


On December Something

by katyedavis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Forbidden Love, Hogwarts, Love, Magic, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Muggle/Wizard Relations, Muggles, Pre-Hogwarts, Sensuality, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-07 11:59:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15218699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katyedavis/pseuds/katyedavis
Summary: There were only a couple of people who knew what was written in that letter to Petunia Evans Dursley the night Harry Potter was set on her doorstep; Sirius Black, Albus Dumbledore, and Petunia herself. What did it say? What was so crucial in that letter for Petunia? It took her back and reminded her of her first major run in with the wizarding world. It was something she'd never forget and still doesn't regret. A budding romance had gone sour and forced normalcy into Petunia's life whether she wanted it or not. She used to not want that but does she still?





	1. About The Letter

She couldn't believe it.   
She just couldn't believe it.

Petunia had just received a letter from her sister a few days ago talking about the new word that Harry learned and now...well now she was dead. She paced in the kitchen while Vernon watched the news to see if any other kind of funny business was still happening. There wasn't.

The wizarding world had calmed down since yesterday but she should have known something was wrong. There were signs everywhere but she had chosen to ignore them. She ignored them like she had tried to ignore her sister. She just pretended they didn't exist. She couldn't do that now. There was a living and breathing reminder of her sister upstairs. A reminder that they could never be normal again. 

Petunia thought her nephew was one of the most beautiful babies she had ever seen, besides her own of course. She could never admit that out loud. She especially couldn't do it around Vernon. He had pushed her so far into normalcy that sometimes she longed to be rid of it. Even though she had shrieked when she saw him, she was actually quite happy to see her nephew. She had just wished that her sister had been attached to him. She wasn’t. She never could be again. They were going to plan a birthday party for their boys but Vernon rejected the very thought. 

"My boy will have no part in those silly shenanigans!" He had shouted. 

She could still hear Vernon's thunderous yells from that morning she suggested it in her ears while she hurried up the stairs to put Dudley down for a nap so he wouldn't wake up. Vernon had never been accepting of the situation and Petunia put on a front. Truth was that she had settled for Vernon and she made the conscious decision to go about the rest of her life pretending to be unaccepting towards Lily and James. She had to pretend to hate Lily's friends that she really rather enjoyed. One more so than the rest. 

As all of these thoughts and past fights flew through her mind and almost deafened her, she heard a high pitched cry sounding from upstairs. It broke her train of thought immediately.

She knew it was Harry. It was a little more high pitched than Dudley’s and it wasn't a particularly long wail. He had been pretty vocal all day. No doubt he missed his mother. Petunia wasn't as familiar as she was but she was like Lily in many ways. They were built the same and she was sure a heartbeat of a muggle was similar to that of a witch. Whether you were a witch or not, when you didn't have a mother then everything was thrown off. To a baby it was just cruel. 

Vernon huffed loudly and looked to her with a scowl on his face. His mustache twitched with anger and he looked like he was ready to blow. Petunia put her hands up to reassure him that she was the one to go upstairs and check on him. He slouched back in his chair to finish the news. She climbed the stairs quickly so that the cries would dissipate faster. 

When she arrived the cries had slowed to light sobs and he had hiccups. He was frantically looking around for someone to hold him. He had pulled himself up enough to look and that was when he spotted her. His eyes were red from crying and he held out his hands to be held which she obliged quickly. He snuggled under her chin and his breathing hitched as he tried to calm down. He placed his thumb in his mouth as she shushed him gently. 

She was, after all, a mother. She may not have been his mother but she knew how to be one. She knew how to be caring and she knew how to be protective. She was sure she had the same instincts that Lily had. That was one thing they were sure to have in common. She grabbed his baby blanket from the makeshift crib she arranged last minute. The crib she ordered wouldn't be here for another week and then he would have something to sleep in. She wrapped the blanket around him and held him tight to her chest. His eyes were closed and his thumb was in his mouth. He was listening to her heartbeat. 

She rocked him soothingly and prayed that Dudley wouldn't wake up suddenly in the next room. Vernon didn't know how to calm him like she did. She hummed a simple tune while he listened to her. She owes Lily more than this but it's all she could do. 

There were soft taps on the window and she whirled around to see a man hovering on a broom outside of the window. She recognized him but she wished she hadn't. He shouldn't be here. Especially not while Vernon was awake. She looked around her to make sure the door was shut before opening the window slightly. She didn’t even get to ask what he wanted before he pleaded with her.

"Please let me in," he begged sadly. 

“Sirius-” she started.

“Please,” his voice cracked.

She unlatched the window and pushed it open slightly, careful not to wake Harry. He climbed through, propping his broom against the wall and removing his jacket. His hair was still long and wild like she had remembered it. She hadn’t seen him since her sister’s wedding. It was still a little awkward between them but she had to push past it. For Harry.

"Don't get comfortable. You can't stay long," Petunia warned.

She knew that if Vernon could hear their voices that he would be up here in an instant. Every closet was full so she would have nowhere to hide him. She couldn’t stand the thought of them arguing again and then waking both babies. It just wasn’t worth the headache.

"I can't visit my godson?" He questioned. 

Sirius Black tucked a stray piece of hair behind his ear and came closer to see him. She allowed him to come closer. The years had worn him out and he wasn’t the same eighteen year old she remembered. Of course, neither one of them were. He brushed some of Harry’s hair back with his fingers and smiled at him sadly. 

"According to my letter that Dumbledore gave me there isn't anyone who can," Petunia said, rocking Harry soothingly as he stirred. 

She remembered the letter that was left with him. She had managed to grab it and hide it from Vernon but she was fighting with what it said. It was asking her to do things that she definitely didn’t want to do. She doubted that she could do them. It hurt her just to think about it. 

"Petal," he called her. 

"You know that you aren’t allowed to call me that," She hissed. 

"Why on earth not?" he questioned, clearly curious.

"I'm married, Sirius!" She said a little louder than she wanted. 

She winced a little as she looked from the still sleeping baby to the slightly cracked door. She stepped to the door and opened it a little more to see if she heard any signs of movement. The only thing she could hear was heavy snoring from Vernon who must have fallen asleep watching the news. That’s all he ever did. He came home with incredibly boring stories while sitting in his boring recliner while watching the boring news. The only excitement that had happened on the news were the stories of the suspicious flocks of owls and the shooting star extravaganza. They may have been celebrating but there were others that were mourning. 

"Don’t remind me. All I need is for you to remind me how you married someone else and that he is the most boring muggle you could find!" Sirius threw his hands up.

Petunia shushed him and closed the door all the way so she could lock it. 

"Because I am a muggle! You and I couldn't marry, Sirius. Your family wouldn’t allow it and you'd never hear the end of it. Now, here we are in the middle of blood war without your best friend and without my sister," she choked out the last part, making an attempt to hide her sadness. 

Her life had been such a whirlwind over the past twenty four hours that she hadn't let the thought of Lily's passing sink in quite yet. It was doing a fair job making itself known in front of Sirius. As a single tear rolled down her cheek, she knew she had to come to terms with it. She quickly wiped the evidence away and switched Harry from left to right in her arms. He didn't stir which she was thankful for. 

"He looks just like him," Sirius said softly, thumbing Harry’s hair out of his face again. 

"He has her eyes. She was the only one with green eyes, you know?" She asked thoughtfully.

“I know,” he answered. 

Their eyes locked for a second. This was where they felt they were meant to be but sometimes where you want to be would cause more harm than good. It wasn’t for them to decide what they needed in that moment. Harry needed to be somewhere safe and this was the only place for him. No one knew of her family except a few people. Most of the people that knew were now dead. 

“When was the last time you talked to them?” Sirius asked.

“The last time I talked to them in person was the day of my wedding and the last time I talked to my sister was earlier this week. We were going to plan a birthday party for our kids but Vernon put his foot down,” Petunia said, giving Harry a swift kiss on the forehead.

“Even his name is boring,” Sirius hissed. 

“Are you here for any other reason other than to insult my family and visit your godson?” Petunia snapped. 

The air was quiet around them. It wasn’t awkward but it wasn’t pleasant. Still, he could get her heart beating faster than any other. Goosebumps rose on her arms and she shivered. There must have been a draft.

"I didn't come to fight with you," he said stiffly.

"No, of course not. You don't speak to me for a couple of years but you don't want to fight," Petunia snapped. 

She analyzed Harry before laying him back down in the crib. She felt horrible for not having something proper for him to sleep in but this was all she had. Dudley needed a bigger crib but Harry would have something new. She owed him a shower present that she never bought for her sister. A crib seemed to fit just fine for the circumstances. He stayed asleep and they stood there watching him. 

"What did the letter say?" Sirius wondered.

"That I am to be the world's most horrible aunt. He is to be treated as a nobody so that when he becomes a somebody he won't be too egotistical. Besides, if you-know-who comes back then they won't find him here," Petunia said sadly.

"Why won't they find him here?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Because they won't look for him in places that he hated to be. It makes us all safe. If they sent Harry with you then he would be found quickly," Petunia informed.

"That means he'll never get to know the real you," Sirius said sadly.

“I can’t tell if that would be a good thing or a bad thing,” she laughed nervously.

She couldn’t understand why she was nervous. Maybe it was due to the fact that she hadn’t seen him in such a long time. She forgot how to act around him. She acted like a school girl in his presence which irritated her. 

“I think it’s horrible that he won’t get to know the real you,” he said quietly.

“Well, you have orders from Dumbledore as well. You are not to tell him any of this when he gets older. I have my directions and you have yours,” Petunia told him.

“I understand why these instructions are important to his survival but I’m not sure I understand them. Do you understand them?” Sirius questioned.

"No, which makes this all just too much. I have to mistreat him? He can't have new things? He has to live in my cupboard under the stairs? I have to yell at him every day for the rest of his life while he wished he could be off somewhere else? That's not how I wanted to be around my nephew. I had different plans than all of this!" She argued out loud, turning to plop in the rocking chair. 

She had plans alright but it seemed like the Wizarding World wanted to keep her out. It didn’t matter the lengths they took. She wanted so badly to be a part of it when she was younger but they didn’t want her there. Maybe this was why. Maybe the world always knew something she never knew. Maybe they know something nobody knows. Until then she would have to keep this secret.

"Petal-" he started.

"Don't. It may be a big pill to swallow but I have a new plan. I'm going to stay married to Vernon, raise my son, and we're going to be the worst family we can be to him. Why? Because the worse we are the safer he'll be. They needed me here,"   
O  
Harry needed her here. He needed her to do everything that Dumbledore ordered. To keep him safe. So, she agreed.

"What were your plans?" He asked quietly. 

"To have said yes when you asked me to marry you. To defy every and any existence known to man. To have kept in contact with my sister more than I had. To have been present in Harry's life as the wonderful aunt that he would have seen then. To be unexpected and spontaneous...not normal and predictable. But this is my bed, Sirius," She said simply. 

Oh, she wished she could have said yes to him but the repercussions of it would have been far too great. She faked blaming him for everything that went wrong with their relationship when really it had been all her. She denied him, after all. He was willing to go the distance but she wasn’t willing to keep him in the dark. 

"At least I know you still love me," he said with a half smile.

"I could never not love you. You were my first for most things. I would have rather had all of those experiences with you than with anyone else," she mused, getting up from the chair to give him a swift kiss on the cheek. 

He dodged the light peck and gave her a full, earth-shattering kiss right there in the nursery. It was as familiar as it had always been and in that moment she needed the familiarity. She needed the danger and the spontaneity. He wrapped his arms around her waist and deepened the kiss but only as far as she would let him. The kiss did come to an end, to their disappointment, and he rested his forehead against hers. 

“I had to do it one last time,” he whispered and sighed heavily as he willed himself away from her. 

She nodded in response but she was still breathless. She wanted it again and again but she couldn’t. That made her want it even more. 

"I may come see him a couple more times in the next week," he said, grabbing his broom by the door.

"You know where I'll always be," she said with a sad smile.

He planted a kiss on her lips smoothly and gently. She relished again in the feeling of familiarity but just as quick as it came it was gone. They didn't know then that they would never see each other again but at least they knew what the other was supposed to do. They had a role to play and there was no time for interruptions.

Just as the thought left her mind, Harry began to cry again. She swept over to pick him up and resume her role as his guardian. She rocked him until he drifted off to sleep for the third time that evening. That’s when her mind drifted back to the kiss. She remembered when she first received it. 

She remembered everything.

She closed her eyes and drifted to her memories. She didn’t fall asleep but she wanted to remember why she loved him so much. 

Then she remembered the first time they met so long ago...


	2. Meeting Sirius

December 1977-- Petunia’s Flat  
7:31pm

 

Oh, bother!

She had burned another batch of Christmas cookies in her oven. She had been trying to bake all November but she still couldn’t get the hang of it. All she wanted was for Christmas to be perfect.

She had spent so much time decorating her flat to make it look like a Christmas she and Lily used to have with their parents. Although, her mother never burned the cookies. After they passed away during Lily’s fifth year at Hogwarts, Petunia always tried her best to keep the traditions going. However, despite the limited space in her flat she wanted this year to be extra special. It was Lily’s last year at Hogwarts and Lily had asked her if she could bring a couple of friends to stay with them over the holidays. Petunia learned that the friends she wanted to bring had nowhere to go for the holidays. Although, Lily didn’t tell her their names.

Petunia always wanted to meet witches. She loved hearing the tales and what kind of classes were taught at Hogwarts. Petunia had since apologized for her behavior but sometimes it was still hard to hear about the life she could have had if she had been a witch herself. Still, she loved her sister and she didn’t want to lose her over something like that. 

“Tuney?” someone called from the living room.

She didn’t even hear the door open but she imagined they didn’t really need a door like the magically inept. Lily told her that non-magical people were called muggles but it felt funny using that word since she was one. 

“In the kitchen, Lils!” Petunia called out with a smile. 

She hadn’t turned around yet since she was still trying to get the burnt cookies out of the smoking oven. She had hoped Lily would be later because the house sure didn’t smell like Christmas. It smelled worse than her attempted farewell breakfast she tried to make for Lily that August. She just had to accept the fact that cooking wouldn’t be one of her skills. 

Petunia turned around and came eye to eye with a boy. Not just any boy, a handsome boy. His dark and shaggy hair was practically covering his mysterious eyes and his smirk was ever so tantalizing. He looked like he was judging her and Petunia automatically felt the need to try and fix herself. She suddenly felt silly in her apron and swept the stray blonde strands out of her face. 

“Um..Hello,” she greeted nervously. 

“Hello,” he said mockingly. 

“Tuney, this is Sirius Black. Sirius, this is my sister Petunia,” Lily introduced and looked sternly at Sirius. 

He held out his hand and she took it gingerly. She noticed the roughness in his fingers but she didn’t find it to be anything less than alluring. 

“And this is James Potter, my boyfriend,” 

There was a boy of strong build with dark hair and piercing eyes but she was still drawn to the boy they called Sirius Black. He was staring at her and it made her feel different. She couldn’t decide the kind of different that it was. It wasn’t a feeling she was used to since she had started being courted by Vernon Dursley. She felt positively plain when she was around him. However, within the first few seconds of meeting Sirius she was on fire under his gaze. 

“Uh, hello,” she stammered, holding out her hand to shake his but she was too busy staring at Sirius. 

Lily cleared her throat and gave her sister a sly smile. Petunia brought herself back to reality and started apologizing profusely for the burnt cookies and promised that they would order out for dinner. She didn’t want to try and cook in front of him. 

She ushered Lily into her bedroom and closed the door. She was going to scold Lily for bringing home boys and forcing her to be pushed into certain situations that she wasn’t comfortable with.

“How could you not have mentioned that they were boys?” She argued, trying on a different sweater but instantly removing it to throw in a pile on the floor.

“I didn’t think you would mind! You were always curious about who I had been talking about so I brought him home. I brought Sirius because he is kind of a package deal. You can’t have one without the other,” Lily informed. 

Petunia did mind. 

She knew that it was still frowned upon in the community to have boys or men staying with you in a flat if you weren’t married. It may not have been an issue in the wizarding world but in downtown London it was. Lily wouldn’t have known this though so Petunia let it slide. At least, only for Christmas. 

“What’s his story?” Petunia questioned thoughtfully.

“Too much to delve into right now. I’ll tell you later. Are you sure that you’re okay with ordering out?” Lily asked. 

“Would you be okay with burnt chips or cold cereal?” Petunia joked.

Lily made a sour face and laughed at the thought. 

“What do you think about this sweater?”

“I think it makes you look like a nun,” Lily answered truthfully. 

“I don’t have anything else! It’s laundry day,” Petunia said, thumbing through the dresses in her closet. 

She wanted to look nice but all her dresses were too elegant for this occasion. She didn’t know why she cared so much about how she looked. She never put this much thought into it before. However, the way he stared at her in the kitchen had made her want to look extra nice in case he wanted to stare again. She kind of missed the fire that surrounded her under his inscrutable gaze.

“What about this?” Lily held up a mint green sweater and her old flair bottom jeans. 

Petunia guessed that it would have to do. It wasn’t what she wanted to wear but she had no other options unless she raided Lily’s trunk. They had very different styles. 

“Are they okay with pizza?” 

“I’m not sure that they’ve had it,” Lily answered.

“Seriously?” Petunia questioned, walking over to her night stand and sorting through the take out menus. 

She had resorted to all of these menus when she realized that cooking wasn’t a skill she possessed. When she came across the pizza menu she ordered a couple of pizzas and hung up, hoping that the food wouldn’t take long. 

“I guess they’re going to get the full muggle experience, aren’t they?” Petunia said sadly.

“They were really excited about it, Tuney! I think they’re probably even more excited to show you a couple of things as well,” 

Petunia was really excited at this kind of news. She had wanted to see some magic because it made her feel like a child again. It made her want to be a part of their world even more than she did originally. 

When they exited Petunia’s bedroom she saw them playing a game of chess but it wasn’t just any kind of chess. It was a board with actual moving pieces. Petunia was fascinated with watching this until the guys realized that they were back in the room. 

“I-uh-ordered the pizzas. It shouldn’t take long...can I get you guys something to drink?” Petunia asked, trying her best not to let Sirius’s gaze get the best of her. 

“Oh, no thanks,” James said with a smile as Lily came over to sit next to him at the kitchen table. 

“The flat looks lovely!” Lily exclaimed as she marveled at the trimmed tree and Christmas lights dangling around the ceiling. 

“Thank you,” Petunia said with a nervous smile while fidgeting. 

“Have you ever played this before?” Sirius asked, his voice deep with a slight huskiness to it. 

“Chess?” Petunia questioned. 

He nodded and she shook her head as she watched another piece of the game, the rook, knockout what would have been a pawn. 

“I mean, I’ve played regular chess but the pieces have never done that before,” she corrected herself quickly. 

“Here, I’ll show you,” he said, standing and offering his seat to her.

She smiled at his chivalry and instantly took the seat. He leaned over her from the back of the chair and called out the spot he wished for his next piece to go. Petunia watched as it slid across the board slowly and she inhaled his scent. It was tantalizing. She could have swore she smelled sandalwood and cinnamon. Two things she liked the most. She had been trying to find candles like this for weeks but she preferred the package that this smell came with. Her eyes swept back and forth between the board and Sirius. Just when she thought he was in a good spot with his rook a queen came and took out the last rook remaining on Sirius’s side. 

“Well, I don’t believe I’ll win this game. I’m complete rubbish when it comes to chess,” he chuckled. 

“That’s alright, Padfoot. Next time,” James chuckled. 

“What if you moved your knight there?” Petunia pointed to the spot on the board. 

Before she knew what was happening, the table quieted as the knight moved to the spot her finger wanted it to. When the sword fell from the king’s grip the game had been won. No one spoke until Sirius started laughing. 

“I’ll be damned,” he laughed. 

Oh, that laugh was a sweet sound. James eyes held his humor but surprise etched his face. Lily just smirked. 

“They always underestimate the Evans girls, don’t they Tuney?”

Petunia smirked and got up from the table to get the door. The pizzas had arrived and the ice had been melted between the four. This was going to be a pretty decent Christmas after all. 

-XOX-

December 1977--Christmas Eve  
6:45am

It was just another morning for Petunia. She got out of bed, bathed, wrapped her hair in a towel, and shuffled off to the kitchen to make her morning coffee. Most people would make tea in the morning but she couldn’t stand it. She needed to be awake and alive with the day. 

Except it wasn’t just another morning. She had forgotten that she had guests until she saw him standing there in the kitchen. She was mortified. 

She was acutely aware of what she must look like at that moment. She had her robe tied tightly around her petite frame, she wore no makeup, and her hair was still tied up in the turban on her head. He just smirked when he saw her and her embarrassment grew. 

“Good morning,” he drawled.

She really wished that she still hadn’t been attracted to him in that moment but there was no such luck. 

“Good morning,” she said quickly. 

He took a sip of what was already in his mug and she noticed that he had already made coffee. She quickly pulled a mug down from the cupboard and scooted past him quickly. She wanted out of there. 

“Did you sleep well?” He asked curiously, leaning against the counter as he watched her every move. 

She nodded and gave him a quick smile. She thought that should have been something that she needed to ask since he was forced to sleep on her dingy couch that was definitely not long enough to accommodate him. 

“I’m really sorry about how small the couch is,” she started. 

“I slept fine,” he assured her with a smile. 

“You’re up early,” she noted. 

“I sometimes have trouble staying asleep,” he answered, taking a seat at her kitchen table. 

She sympathized with the feeling. She had trouble most nights as well. Between the sudden death of her parents and Lily being at a school she couldn’t attend was too much. She thought about it a lot. However, her university was perfectly quaint and her almost-boyfriend was pretty nice. He never made her this nervous though. She didn’t know whether to sit with Sirius or not so she just leaned against the counter where he had once been. 

“You’re sure it’s not because of the couch?” she questioned with a smile. 

“I’m positive,” he assured. 

Petunia went to set her mug down to re-tie her robe that seemed to be coming undone under his gaze. She turned too fast and her turban came flying off of her head unveiling her long, damp blonde hair. She sighed heavily and picked up the towel while trying to keep her robe closed. 

“I’m such a mess,” she whispered to herself. 

She heard movement from the table and suddenly his hands were on the tie for her robe. With her mug in her hand and a towel in the other she couldn’t do anything about it. Before she could yell at him and ask what he was doing she quickly realized that he was trying to tie her robe for her. 

“I sensed you needed the help,” he said, looking into her eyes while he finished tying it. 

“Y-yes, I d-did,” she stammered. 

He smelled like a wide range of spices that she couldn’t identify. He held her gaze as they stood there together. They were completely entranced with each other. Neither one wanted to pull away but a throat cleared in the doorway. They both turned to look and saw James and Lily standing there with knowing smirks on their faces. 

“G-good morning!” Petunia greeted nervously, tucking a wet blonde piece of hair behind her ears. 

Sirius didn’t say anything. He looked a little perturbed at the intrusion but he just sat back down at the table without uttering another word. 

“Good morning, Tuney,” Lily greeted, giving her sister a quick peck on the cheek and mock glaring at Sirius. 

He just rolled his eyes and sipped on his coffee. 

“Is there anymore coffee?” James asked politely. 

“Yes, here I’ll make some breakfast,” Petunia said quickly, handing an empty mug to James before turning around. 

She was stopped suddenly by Lily. 

“Let me cook breakfast. You’ve worked so hard the past couple of days,” 

This was Lily’s attempt at keeping her sister from burning cooking their breakfast. No one needed to put out any fires this early in the morning. 

“I can scramble an egg, Lily,” she said in a hushed tone.

“Have you learned how to do that since August?” Lily joked, forcing Petunia to sit down in the chair. 

Petunia pouted a little and then quickly remembered that they had company. Pouting was awfully childish and she didn’t want Sirius to see that. She let Lily cook breakfast while she went in the bedroom and changed. She couldn’t stop thinking about him and their inability to keep their eyes off of each other. She fidgeted with her deep red sweater and was constantly trying to pull her black pencil skirt down. She was so worried that it was too short. 

“You know, you look really pretty,” Lily said, coming through her bedroom door. 

“I don’t know if I believe that,” Petunia said quietly. 

Her blonde hair was cascading over her right shoulder and she just looked at Lily’s reflection in her mirror. 

“Sirius thinks so,” 

“Really?” She asked, turning around so quickly that she bumped into her vanity, knocking over several of the contents that resided there.

“What has got into you?” Lily asked, stifling a laugh.

“I don’t know!” Petunia exclaimed, growling as she stood all of her knocked over valuables back up. 

“Well, are you into him?” Lily asked quietly, making sure the door was actually shut before asking. 

“How do I know? I just met him! You can’t be this bothered by someone you just met, can you?” Petunia staged all sorts of questions. 

She was confused about her feelings, confused about herself, and she was even more confused that she liked someone that wasn’t like her. He couldn’t possibly like her. She wasn’t magical. She was, what they called, a muggle and it was all too obvious what she was. She had to do everything by hand. 

“Look, Tuney, feelings are feelings. It’s okay that you like him. He’s handsome. He’s just different. I want you to keep your eyes open when you’re with him,” 

It sounded like a warning.

“Care to elaborate?” Petunia asked.

“I don’t think he’d appreciate it if I unveiled his secrets like that. I can’t tell you. That’s his burden to unleash. Just be careful,” she said with a small smile. 

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Vernon should be asking me to be his girlfriend any day now,” Petunia answered, trying to cover up her disappointment. 

Lily just nodded and went to leave but she turned around one more time. 

“By the way, you’re wearing Sirius’s favorite color,” Lily winked, disappearing from the door. 

Good.


	3. Fighting Desire

Christmas Eve -- Petunia’s Flat  
11:56pm

Petunia lay in her bed and stared up at the ceiling. It was Christmas Eve and in approximately four minutes it would be Christmas. Lily and James wanted to stay together in her spare bedroom so she allowed it. This meant that Sirius was on the couch and Petunia was alone. 

She couldn't sleep. She had tossed and turned for a couple of hours but sleep never found her. She found herself wondering what Sirius was doing. Was he awake just like her? Was he thinking about her like she was about him? She doubted it. There was no reason that he would be thinking about her. They hadn’t had a chance to talk alone since they had been here and it had been a couple of days since they first arrived. Christmas was going to be much different than what they were used to which is exactly what she had been trying to avoid.

Between the excitement for Christmas and Sirius she was bound to never go to sleep. She decided to get up and make some warm milk. Sometimes it helped. It also helped if she added a little bit of cinnamon whiskey. She liked her warm milk extra Irish. 

She tugged her robe on and tied it loosely around her waist to cover up her hot pink nightgown, ignoring her lack of luck that happened that morning. If she had known boys were going to be showing up with Lily she might would have picked out something a tad more conservative at the stores. Even though they had been around for a couple of days she had never found a moment to just go shopping. All she had were short nightgowns because the heat was positively horrendous around this time of year. Her neighbors below always cranked the heat up to maximum and heat rises. 

She tiptoed out into the living room and saw Sirius in what she could only hope was a deep sleep. She didn’t want to wake him. She wished she could sleep so easily. She was careful not to clank the pans or the bottles so that she could make her drink but what couldn’t be helped was the light in the kitchen. She hoped there was enough wall there to shield the light but someone softly cleared their throat behind her as she turned the stove on. She whipped around and there he stood. He was leaning casually against the door frame as he watched her stir the milk. 

“It seems that we keep meeting here,” he joked.

Petunia let out a little chuckle but her nerves were now starting to get the best of her. She avoided his gaze like the plague. Well, she tried to at least. 

“Did I wake you?” Petunia asked meekly. 

She couldn’t help it. She had to look at him. She felt compelled. He looked a little tired but he was too interested in what she was doing. She thought maybe she had woken him. His hair was in disarray and his eyes were slightly bloodshot. 

“No. I couldn’t sleep and then I heard you in here. I thought maybe you could use the company,” he said huskily, pulling a chair out to sit down at the table. 

She nodded before pulling two mugs out of the cupboard and held up a bottle of the cinnamon whiskey. A friend of hers had brought it back from the States but she hadn’t opened it yet. Typically, she would settle for irish cream or a good bourbon. She wanted to try this drink out. There was no one better to try it with in her opinion. 

“Nightcap?” She questioned. 

“Sure,” he answered with a yawn. 

He didn't seem like he needed the extra dose in his mug but she poured the same either way. When the milk had come to a boil she mixed the two and set it down in front of him. They clinked their mugs together and took small sips. 

“Why can’t you sleep?” He wondered.

“It’s Christmas,” she told him. 

It was partially the truth but she couldn't tell him the other half of her reason. After all, she wanted to stay as far from embarrassment as possible. So far it hasn’t worked in her favor.

“What about you?” She asked, pushing a blonde strand behind her ears nervously. 

“I’ve never slept well,” he answered solemnly. 

“I haven’t slept a full eight hours since I turned thirteen,” she sympathized.

“Why’s that?” Sirius asked, interested in her reasoning.

She wasn’t sure that she wanted to tell him. It was almost as embarrassing as telling him the real reason she couldn't sleep. However, she couldn’t think of a better story so she had to go with the truth.

“I always wondered why I never had magical ability. I’m slightly past it now but I didn’t accept it back then. It was hard just to see that Lily had it and I didn’t. It made me a black sheep. The price I pay now is the inability to sleep well,” She explained, hoping he didn’t think any different of her. 

How could he? She was still a muggle. She had learned to come to terms with that title long ago but sometimes it hurt to hear. The drink burned going down but she was thankful for it. It distracted her from the pain of remembering how useless she was. She hurried to take another sip, imagining that her cheeks became even more red with every sip. 

“That’s something we have in common,” he replied thoughtfully. 

“What’s that?” She questioned. 

“We’re both black sheep for very different reasons but they have the same outcome. Our families wanted us to be something entirely different than how we are,” he explained.

She wanted him to continue but a bigger part of her didn’t want to know what made him a black sheep. She liked that mystery about him. They talked for several minutes and she relished in this moment that they had alone. It was almost one in the morning and she started to take notice that something was off about her appearance. Her robe was coming slightly apart and she hurried to try and fix it. 

Why does this constantly happen around him? 

“No, don’t,” he said sternly. 

“Why not?” She asked, feeling a little more nervous and slightly tipsy. 

She knew she had overdone the alcohol content. 

“You look even more beautiful when you’re a little undone,” he told her.

She felt the heat rush to her cheeks as she nervously pulled the robe up over her shoulders since it was falling down. She couldn’t tell if it was the nightcap or the words that had her hot and bothered. Vernon certainly never made her feel this way. She wasn’t used to whatever sensation she was feeling. She gave him a nervous smile before downing the last of her drink. He did the same with his but he never took his eyes off of her. 

“Well, I better be off to bed. There are traditions that we have to uphold. Some muggle culture,” she said the last part with a chuckle. 

“I look forward to it,” he answered with a smile. 

She went to stand up and he seized both cups with his hands and hurried to set them in the sink. She was still a little flustered from his comment when she turned to face him and found him standing close to her. He motioned to the mistletoe hanging above her head and she gulped. Petunia didn’t remember hanging that. He must have conjured it to appear above them. She wanted to, oh she wanted to, but she didn’t know if she should. She had just met him after all. It all seemed so crazy and unordinary. It was thrilling. He barely knew her. 

The moment his lips landed on hers there was no question that she wanted it just as much as he did. All thought went out the window as they both sunk into a kiss that had done its fair share of waiting. She sank into his arms as they wrapped around her waist and her hands dove through his long hair, deepening it. The kiss was pure fire and it burned her in the most tantalizing and sensual way. His hands were causing tingling sensations all over her body and she wanted more. She needed more. 

When they parted she became aware of her surroundings and every other sense was heightened. Her robe was on the floor, their hair was ruffled, their breathing was heavy, and his forehead was leaning on hers. Their eyes were closed as she tried to wrap her head around what happened. She didn’t want to be anywhere else but sadly, things had to come to an end. 

A throat cleared from the doorway. Lily stood there with her eyes wide and a smirk playing on her lips. 

“Mistletoe,” Sirius said plainly, letting Petunia go and moving past Lily. 

Lily’s eyes followed Sirius out of the kitchen and then landed right back on Petunia. Her smirk growing into a knowing half grin. 

“Oh really?” Lily asked, the smile growing wider. 

“Y-yes, it’s just m-mistletoe,” Petunia stuttered, picking her robe up off the ground and moving past Lily. 

She didn’t look in Sirius’s direction and hurried off to her bedroom. Once behind the door she touched her lips with a smile. She could still feel the sensation of his hands on her waist and the tingling on her lips from his kiss. Something had been almost animalistic about the kiss. It was need instead of a want. She knew one thing was for sure.

It wasn’t just mistletoe. 

-XOX-   
Christmas -- The Crystal Park  
9:55pm

They hadn’t spoken about the kiss yet. She wasn’t a hundred percent sure that they were going to. He must have realized that it was mistake and was trying to avoid her as best he could. Lily had made the dinner for the evening using one of their mother’s recipes and they all ate in silence. Lily was just grinning the whole time as if she were trying not to laugh. James was looking at Sirius with the same expression. However, Sirius and Petunia didn’t look at each other. They didn’t even acknowledge each other that morning except for a quiet wish for a happy holiday. 

“So, I was thinking that we could all go to the Crystal Park tonight!” Lily exclaimed excitedly. 

“It’s so late, Lils,” Petunia told her but she knew the fight was lost as soon as Lily grabbed her coat. 

“Come on! It’ll be fun. We can see all of the lights and hear all the carolers. You know they don’t stop singing until it hits midnight,” she tried emphatically. 

Petunia sighed and took her coat from Lily. She tied her blonde hair into a ponytail and adjusted her scarf while she watched Sirius. In fact, they were watching each other. His leather jacket looked positively alluring on him and it complimented his shaggy hair well. It made him look dangerous. Seductive but dangerous. That was a combination that drove Petunia to new heights. She wanted it. She wanted all of it. 

She wanted him. 

He knew it. There was no denying that he wanted her just as badly. It was understood that the kiss was the beginning of something even though he knew his family would detest every piece of it. He had to have her. 

He watched her twirl her brilliantly long blonde hair into the ponytail and he watched her tie the ribbon around her deep red coat. It was color he liked on her. So far, he hadn’t seen her when she wasn’t beautiful. Whether it had been the day he first saw her frantically trying to fan the smoke from the kitchen or when she was playing chess he knew that she was something different. 

Muggle or magical...he needed her. 

The sexual tension could be cut with a knife but the only people to notice were Petunia and Sirius. 

The short walk to the park was excruciating. They didn’t speak but they let their eyes do the talking. Petunia tried everything to keep her hormones at bay. She stared at the twinkling lights in the trees and listened as various groups sung sweet melodies at the doors of strangers. That was when she felt the light brush of his fingers on the top of her hand. She didn’t pull away, she didn’t flinch, and she didn’t look at him. She was on fire and he knew it. She turned her head upward to stare into the dark eyes that she couldn’t stop thinking about and had come to adore. They searched her. They tried everything to learn all about her but they couldn’t do it. This fascinated him the most. He couldn’t read her and she couldn’t read him. 

“Don’t you just love all of the lights and the snow?” Lily asked, directing the question behind her. 

Petunia snapped her eyes back on Lily as if she had been in a trance. She nodded in response and looked up into the flurries. They were sticking to her coat and probably her lashes at the rate that it was coming down. 

“You look stunning,” he whispered in her ear. 

That sent shivers down her spine and she closed her eyes briefly to detach herself from it. It didn’t help as the goosebumps rose on her arms.

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

“Do you want to-” Sirius started but Petunia finished it for him.

“Talk about it?” 

She shrugged her shoulders and tried to play off that he wasn’t driving her absolutely insane. She imagined that talking about it would only make it worse but there was no avoiding it. 

“You know, we leave tomorrow,” Sirius reminded her. 

She hadn’t forgotten. She had tried not to think about it. 

“Yes, I know,” she answered quickly. 

“How does Lily contact you from school?” he wondered. 

She never really knew how Lily managed to get letters to her. She had once said that an owl would bring it to her but the owl never stuck around for her response. Lily may have been afraid to contact her too much. An owl delivering letters wasn’t something that happened in London. People would whisper and she didn’t want things to be exposed. However, they had other ways of communication.

“I’m not sure. Sometimes I just look in the mailbox and there’s a letter from her,” Petunia explained quickly.

“How do you respond?” he asked curiously. 

“A lot of the times I don’t but I’ll just stick a letter in the mailbox the next day and it will be gone,” Petunia explained, stopping on the bridge to look over at the frozen river. 

Lily and James were too busy dancing by the fountain to pay any attention to what they were doing. They had left them long ago and Petunia assumed that it was planned. 

“Would you let me write to you?” Sirius asked, hope laced in his tone. 

“Why would you want to?” Petunia asked, facing him. 

His eyes were darker than she had seen them. His look was inscrutable but weren’t they all? She looked passed what it could mean and tried to focus. 

“I don’t know,” he whispered. 

“What would you have to say to me? I’m too different from you. We don’t have anything in common,” Petunia felt all of the words flood out of her mouth.

She didn’t mean any of them. She wanted him to write to her but the truth still stood. They couldn’t possibly have anything to talk about it. 

“You make me curious about things I’ve never been curious about. I’ve never wanted to learn anything about the muggle world until I walked in a kitchen earlier this week. It was so easy for me to wonder why you weren’t using magic but I knew why you weren’t. I want to know you. I want to know what you do for fun or what your plans are for the summer. I just want to know,” he blurted out his words just as fast as she had. 

“You kissed me,” she said softly. 

She threw it in. Why not? Everything else had been thrown into a pile. 

“And you liked it,” he said, stepping closer. 

“You didn’t?” She wondered. 

The snow danced around them and in a swift movement he took her into his arms and kissed her again. It was a hungry kiss. It was more passionate than their first kiss and she couldn’t think. She couldn’t speak. She could barely breathe. Pulling away was one of the hardest things they would have to do. He wrapped his arms around her waist in order to pull her closer so the kiss could deepen. Her arms swung up around his neck and it took everything in her power not to run her fingers through his hair once more. They parted unreluctantly but they knew that any longer would have meant they would get caught. He rested his forehead on hers as they tried to catch their breath. 

“Does that answer your question?” he asked huskily. 

“Somewhat,” she answered, breathless. 

His deep voice made her shiver with anticipation. They agreed to the letters back and forth but that didn’t stop the heat between them through the park walk. Lily just smirked at James knowingly and she tried her best to get Sirius and Petunia to be alone. Lily hadn’t told Petunia about his family the night they arrived or any other kind of secret. A part of her knew that this wouldn’t be able to last. She didn’t see anything wrong with being around each other for the moment. 

They arrived back at her flat and Petunia removed her coat slowly because she knew that Sirius was watching her every move. His dark gaze swept over every curve of her body and he watched her hair tumble down from the unkempt ponytail on her head. She looked over her shoulder to see if he was paying attention and she watched him remove his leather jacket with a blush on her cheeks. She didn’t know why she was acting completely different around him but out of desire she pushed her long blonde hair over her right shoulder to reveal a bit of her left shoulder for him to see. 

It was her intention to drive him completely mad with the desire she felt and the devil flashed in his dark eyes. That did it for him. He wanted to run his lips over her shoulder and kiss her neck. He could imagine how soft her skin was and he knew what he wanted. The question was whether he could have it. 

“Well, it’s late. I think I’m going to head to bed,” she said softly. 

James and Lily wished her a good night and Sirius just watched her disappear behind her bedroom door. Out of his gaze was when she really started to think. She remembered Lily’s warning and she was having a hard time listening to it. She removed her clothes so that she could get in the bathtub. She wanted a bubble bath. She needed to cool off. 

Her favorite bubbles were brewing in warm water and the steam was rising up which caused her tie her hair up in a knot. She was feeling tense and completely aroused but she couldn’t do anything about that. She needed to get him out of her head and she was hoping that bubble bath and a cup of tea would disintegrate all of the things that were making her sweat. 

She lowered herself in the water and closed her eyes. 

It didn’t do her any good to close her eyes because all she saw was the sinister stare burning holes through her. He was trying to figure her out and he couldn’t accept anything less. Her mind went through his burning touch, his passionate kisses, and his calloused hands raking up her forearms only to bring her closer. She gasped, bringing herself out of the trance and her eyes flew open. There he was. 

Sirius Black was standing in her doorway while she took a bubble bath.


	4. The First Letter

The Dursley’s Home   
Harry’s Hogwarts Letter

Petunia sat on her bed with the back of her head resting against the headboard. She was frustrated and for once it wasn’t with the kids. It was with Vernon. He knew what the letter to them read from Dumbledore but he had taken it a step too far. He ignored the wishes of the wizard and had planned to keep Harry in their possession forever. He refused to let Harry be who he was. 

In the letter to Petunia, Dumbledore clearly stated that when the time was right that she would reveal to him who he truly was. This way it would give him the letter and time to come to terms with things. Yet again, Vernon was meddling where he shouldn't. She had no choice but to go along with his antics. She couldn’t reveal her true feelings to Harry. She had kept up the charade for years and she wasn’t going to let it falter now. 

After Vernon had moved what little belongings Harry had into Dudley's second bedroom, Petunia had locked herself away in her own bedroom to think. Besides, she couldn’t take anymore of Dudley’s complaining and whining. 

She should have heeded the sign at the zoo. When the glass disappeared she was more scared for Harry than she had been for Dudley. Part of her wished that he had been a squib so she could cut the act but she knew better. Her brother-in-law and sister were very powerful. There was no way their kid wouldn’t be magical. 

“I’ve had it, Petunia,” Vernon hissed, shutting the door behind him and turning around to glare at her. 

“So have I,” she whispered, meaning it with a heavy heart. 

Was this her life? She should have taken a stand and shown her true self years ago. According to the last letter she received from Remus, Sirius had been accused of killing her sister and sentenced to Azkaban. She learned that was a wizarding prison that was infinitely worse than a muggle prison. She knew it was false. He loved them and he loved Petunia. If she had taken that stand then maybe Sirius wouldn’t be in Azkaban and maybe they could have finally been together the way they should have been. No, she was stuck here in an ordinary world with an ordinary man doing ordinary things. She had to pretend it didn't bother her and that was the worst part.

“This is all of your damn fault,” he accused. 

She didn’t even flinch at his words. She was too used to their meaning to care. 

“Of course it is,” she agreed. 

It was, wasn’t it? She could have changed her life and been the best aunt she wanted to be. Oh, it was so frustrating for her. 

“We should have placed him on someone else’s doorstep. You caused all this mess!”

He was so heartless. She couldn’t bear the thought of placing him in someone else’s hands. It wouldn’t be fair to him, to her, or to Lily. Maybe it was her fault. She hadn’t conformed to his way of living like he had expected. She was still a little odd even though she pretended not to be. She had hidden her secret from the world well for the past years and she would be damned if she would let it slip. She’d be out of everything if they knew. 

“We made a promise to keep him safe until the letter came. Then when the letter arrived we would spill the beans on what was happening to him but continue to be the hateful family that we are. You took it too far, Vernon. You were supposed to let him read the acceptance letter. Not harbor the letter and all information. I should give him the letter myself,” she started, standing from her spot to seize the letter on the dresser. 

He moved to stop her and grabbed her wrist harshly. This wasn’t her first experience with his harshness. She had received the brunt of it many times after they were married. It was always a verbal rudeness that encompassed her. Sirius had expressed his hatred for the man when he saw the first signs of it. She had to stay with him no matter the cost. She had to for Dudley and for Harry. It wasn’t about her anymore. Maybe one day things would be different but for right now she had no choice. 

“You are not to touch that letter. Do you understand?” Vernon hissed in her ear. 

“I think you learned a long time ago not to touch me in this manner,” she shot back. 

He glanced down at his hand wrapped tightly around her wrist and removed it instantly as if he had been burned. She sighed heavily. He had always had a hard time accepting what was happening to their family and to them as a couple. The day he had to learn everything there was to know about her family had changed him. He used to be sweet and caring. She missed that side of him but she understood that she probably would never see that again. 

“I’m sorry, Petunia. I just can’t take this anymore,” he sighed in frustration.

“You wouldn’t have to take it for much longer if you just gave him the letter! What’s the harm in letting him have it? You knew we were instructed to do so,” Petunia argued. 

“I’m trying to accept this but I can’t,” Vernon said, the struggle painted on his face. 

“You know they won’t stop trying to get him the letter, don’t you?” Petunia informed him sadly. 

He just ran a hair through his graying hair and sighed heavily. He ignored her. He usually did this when he knew she was right. She had given up for the evening and told him that she was going downstairs to make a cup of tea. She hated tea but it was the only thing she knew to do when she was really disappointed. Yet again, he ignored her. 

She gingerly opened her door and passed by each of the boys rooms. You could still hear Dudley crying about giving the second bedroom up but when she passed by Harry’s room it was silent. No doubt he was as comfortable as he had ever been and this made her happy. He wasn’t crammed in a cupboard and he had room to stretch. She hoped that it was all going to be worth it. That poor boy. 

-XOX- 

The tea kettle whistled and she poured the steaming liquid in her cup. She cradled it’s warmth and sipped it gingerly. Her face twisted unpleasantly but it was somewhat soothing. She allowed herself to close her eyes and drift for a few seconds. She missed her flat, she missed her freedom, and she missed Sirius. 

Right when that thought clouded her brain there was a light tapping on the window over the sink. Her eyes flew open and she saw a grey ruffled owl perched on her window seal. She knew what that meant and she only hoped that Vernon had fallen asleep. The owl, for once, didn’t have a letter but it came with a person. She had learned this person very well over the past years as he frequently stopped in to check up on Harry. 

“Good Evening, Mr. Dumbledore,” Petunia said quietly, shutting the back door to the house behind her. 

They were now standing in her garden that she had slaved over for the past couple of months. She had to have something that took her mind off of all this. 

“Good evening, Petunia,” he smiled warmly.

“What brings you here?” She questioned, secretly hoping it wasn’t about the letter.

“You may call me Albus from now on, is that alright?” Dumbledore offered. 

She nodded quickly but stiffened when he started to play with the rose petals that were falling off of her dying rose bush. He picked up a couple more petals and placed them on the wilting rose only to make it come back to life. She envied that talent. She would have the most beautiful garden on Privet Drive if she had. Well, if she was being honest she could have a beautiful garden anywhere she wanted if she had magic. It most definitely wouldn’t be where she was now. 

“It is my understanding that Harry hasn’t been given his Hogwarts acceptance letter yet, correct?” He asked.

She cringed but shook her head sadly. She allowed her gaze to go up to her bedroom window where the light was still on. She became instantly nervous because that meant that Vernon was still awake. 

“Good. It’s going as planned. I knew he would be reluctant,” he said with a smile. 

She knew better than to question it. He had it all figured out to the very last detail. He had planned everything and she was just a puppet to him. That seemed to happen more times than not around here. 

“What do I do now?” She wondered.

“Play along with Vernon but hold up your end. You may have to go to extreme measures. I never know what Vernon thinks. However, Hagrid will be coming to get Harry on his birthday. Remember, don’t relay any information,”

“I could never forget,” she said a little more bitterly than she originally meant. 

He looked at her with great sympathy but she couldn’t understand if it was because she was a muggle or because of the situation. She imagined it was because of the situation but there was no way for her to know for sure. 

“I know that this is hard for you, Petunia. If it’s any consolation you’re doing a brilliant job,” he tried to reassure.

She didn’t feel like it. All of this just made her aware of all the problems she had in her life. Her marriage was a joke, her child was spoiled, and her normal life had become too normal. She just wanted a do-over. She imagined that you couldn’t get that even with magic. 

“Thanks,” she whispered, staring at her feet. 

“Honestly, you’ve held your ground while trying to make things a tiny bit easier for Harry. You secretly bought him new clothes that were too big so he didn’t have to wear anything old but told him otherwise. You created all sorts of lies to let Harry go to the zoo with the family. Mrs. Fig’s leg wasn't really broken, was it?” He asked with an amused grin. 

“No, it wasn't,” she whispered, feeling like a schoolgirl who had just been in trouble. 

“You moved him from the cupboard to the bedroom,” he noted.

“It’s probably the best sleep he’s had in the past ten years,” she argued, feeling like she needed to defend her reasons. 

“You made sure those rose bushes grew extra wild so that he would have a place to hide,” 

“Dudley can be a bully,” she answered, growing quiet. 

“I’m not asking for explanations. I’m simply impressed with you. I wasn’t expecting it from you, Petunia,” he smiled warmly, looking up at the night sky. 

She had a tendency to do that. She impressed people. She impressed her sister, Albus Dumbledore, her husband, and she definitely impressed Sirius. 

“I trust that you’ve been reading the letters that Remus has been writing to you,” Dumbledore said simply. 

She nodded her head. It was the only way she could keep up anymore. She needed to know what was going on and for the past ten years the owls have been leaving letters to her underneath her overgrown holly bushes. She knew no one would reach in there to get them and it was a sure way for her to keep this secret. 

“I’ll see you another day, Petunia,” he said simply, vanishing. 

At that moment, Vernon came out the screen door and stood behind her. He hadn’t seen anything but he had come to apologize to her. As he usually did. 

“What are you doing out here so late?” he wondered curiously. 

“I was...looking at my garden. I think I need to spend some time in it tomorrow,” she answered quickly, turning to walk in the house. 

She was sure she had letters to read. 

-XOX-

Christmas Night  
Petunia’s Bathroom

“Oy!” she shouted, dipping farther down into the bubbles so he couldn’t see her. 

The bubbles were already dissipating and she cursed under her breath for not having put more in. She hadn’t plan to run into this kind of a situation in her own defense but it was useless. What mattered was that he was leaning in the doorway, clearly amused, and she was hovering under a thin layer of bubbles. 

“What the devil are you doing in here?” she hissed, looking around for her towel.

She cursed again when she realized that she had forgotten her towel next to the sink. She would have to get out and get it if she wanted to dry off but that didn’t help her case now. A quarter of the bubbles had already popped which revealed her legs. 

“We need to talk,” he said bemused. 

“That’s wonderful. Can’t it wait until after I’m done?” she asked incredulously. 

“I’m afraid it can’t,” he answered, getting closer. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. I’ll talk to you when I’m done in here. Get out!” she shrieked. 

He came over to grab the towel off her sink and she grew even more nervous at his slow pace. The bubbles covering her midriff had disappeared completely and the bubbles near her breasts were about to expose everything. She hastened to cover them and he handed her the towel. 

“You still need to get out while I’m covering up,” she huffed, clearly irritated. 

“Why are you so anxious?” 

“Because I’m naked!” she yelled. 

“I know,” he answered huskily, “that’s why I want to talk to you,” 

It would have peaked her curiosity if that wasn’t why he wanted to talk to her. She tried to position herself under the towel and under his scrutinizing gaze so that she could stand up with ease. It wasn’t working in her favor. The towel slipped a little and she was positive that he had seen her breast. She hastily covered it up and stood in the tub with her soaking towel. She was more mad now than embarrassed. 

“What do you need to talk about?” she asked with a huff. 

Standing in front of him in her state was completely wretched. She didn’t want to be naked in front of him at this particular moment despite how often she had dreamed it the past couple of days. Although, he looked so handsome in the dim light of her bathroom that she almost dropped the towel anyway. She was starting to contradict herself. She hated that he did that to her but she kind of loved it at the same time. She felt completely out of control. That was the hottest part. 

“I changed my mind,” he started as he moved towards her, “talking isn’t important.”

The continuation from the bridge was in full effect as his hands wrapped around her waist. He didn't mind the dampness from the towel and he adored every bead of water visible on her skin. The thought of her naked under that towel drove him insane. He kissed her shoulder lightly and felt her tremble in anticipation. A light moan escaped her lips as he trailed hot kisses up her neck and ended it with a passionate kiss. 

She had forgotten the towel at let it fall to floor as she threw her arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. His rough hands were frantic and unsure of where to hold her or how to. This wasn’t like him. He knew where to touch a woman and where their spots were that sent them into crazy fits but she was different. She was untouched. He could tell. 

The fact that she was pure made it a little difficult for him to place. He was nervous. He wanted it so bad, more than anything, but he didn’t want to regret it. More importantly, he didn’t want her to regret it either. He hated how she made him think so much. He had all of these scenarios rushing through his head but none of them gave him what he wanted most; her. 

He tried to push through it. He hoisted her up and pushed her against the bathroom wall which made the kisses rough and feverish. She wasn’t against it but she was aware of the growls he made. She could tell he was holding back. Could they do this? 

He pulled away from her, panting, and unable to meet her gaze. Then she saw it. He was shaking lightly. His nerves and need were all bundled up into one and he was having trouble controlling it. 

“First time?” She asked softly. 

“Not for me,” he answered, lifting his eyes to hers. 

“Is that a problem?” She asked, a little sadness crept through her voice. 

“I’ve never done a virgin,” he answered quietly. 

“Oh,” she said, disappointed.

There she was: naked and vulnerable. There was a guy that was saying no even though she was saying yes. They would give anything to be able to read each other’s thoughts in that moment. He let her down softly and she leaned over to grab the robe that she had hanging up by the door. 

“It’s not that I d-” he started. 

“No, it’s fine. Some guys just aren’t up for it,” she said slowly, tying her hair up in a bun but pushing the stray strands nervously behind her ears. 

“Petunia,” he tried. 

“Really, Sirius. It’s fine. I just thought you wanted to,” she said, walking into her bedroom. 

“I do! I just don’t want you to-” 

“I’m fine!” She shouted, not meaning to be quite as loud. 

He was silenced. He just leaned against the door frame and watched her as she fidgeted with the rope around her waist. 

“I’m going to make some tea,” she said softly, avoiding his gaze and walking out of the bedroom. 

She shut the door quietly behind her and left Sirius there wishing he had done things different.


	5. The Morning After

Dursley’s Home   
Harry’s Second Year At Hogwarts

Petunia sighed heavily. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. She would glance up periodically from her garden and see the bars on the windows only to get mad again. She threw her shovel in the dirt and kicked over a pot she had been working on. 

The only peace and solitude she found during the day was the silence that came with Vernon being at work and Dudley being at school. She could plant all day, she could clean the house, she could attempt to cook, she could drink as many cups of ghastly tea as she wanted to with them gone. She could breathe. There was one thing she loved to do more than all of those combined. 

She turned towards the house and marched over to her wild rose bushes. She pushed them aside, ignoring their tantalizing pricks, and stared at the cellar doors that were closed with a rusty padlock. She had told Vernon that this was where she hid all of her gardening supplies so he wouldn't go looking there. Of course, that’s not what it was at all. She pulled the gold key from her necklace and gently took it off to open the cellar. Inside, the stairs led down to what was a mini living room with a desk that held all of her letters, an owl that her sister had given her, an big chair with many pillows, and a lamp that only worked off of kerosene. It reminded her of that flat she had in London that she sold when she was married off. 

She closed the doors and locked it from the inside. She had letters to read from Remus and Dumbledore. They kept her informed of things going on and she even had a daily prophet from when her sister was killed. Vernon would go mad if he knew she had all of this. He might even try to fill it with cement. 

She looked around a smiled contently. This is what she had imagined her life to be like but without magic. Well, somewhat without magic. She sat at her desk and thumbed through all of the letters she had received previously and sorted out the ones she had already read through. Remus kept her up to date on Sirius and when the letters became more frequent she had to move them to a more secure place. Now she had a place that was just for her. While going through the letters she came upon one that was in a bright blue envelope and her smiles ceased. She had read this letter too many times to count but she always wanted to read it over and over again. 

He had written it to her. It was the first letter she ever received from him. It made her heart ache with anticipation as if she had never read it before. Truth was that she could recite it. She folded back the bent lip of the letter and pulled out the faded yellow paper. Her hands were anxiously shaking as she unfolded the contents. 

Here goes nothing.

-XOX-

December 26th  
The Morning After

The breakfast table was quiet. Really quiet. Lily and James looked at them curiously but didn’t ask any questions. Petunia refused to look at Sirius but Sirius refused to look away. 

“Is everyone alright?” Lily asked gently. 

“Yes,” Petunia said shortly. 

Sirius didn’t answer but instead focused on Petunia. She could feel the heat from his gaze but she couldn’t give into it. She wanted to but she couldn’t. She was too embarrassed. 

“Thank you for a wonderful Christmas, Petunia,” James said warmly. 

“Yes, Tuney, it was wonderful!” Lily added emphatically. 

“Of course. You’re welcome anytime. Should I expect you in the spring?” Petunia questioned, the question was directed at Lily but she expected to see the others as well. 

“Maybe. It depends on how are lessons go,” she answered with a smile. 

Petunia nodded with a forced smile, trying her absolute best to keep them from wandering over the mysterious man at the end of the table. The mysterious man who had turned her down. The wound was still fresh and she felt the twist of the imaginary knife. Her anger boiled up once more and then subsided before being flooded with a deep depression. Lily could sense her demeanor change and looked over at Sirius furiously. 

“Did I miss something?” Lily hissed, voicing it at Sirius but wanting answers from either one.

“No,” Petunia answered quickly, trying to deflect the heat.

Sirius didn’t answer again. 

“I see. Well, Tuney, I’m sorry that we have to up and leave you but our train leaves soon,” Lily said sadly but he eyes were glaring holes into Sirius. 

“Ah, yes. Here, at least let me take you to the train station,” Petunia said quickly, “I just need to grab my coat.” 

Petunia hurriedly got up from the table and strode past everyone to hurry and get to her bedroom. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it while letting out a long breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. Tears brimmed her eyes for the fifth time that morning. She had done nothing but cry since last night. She couldn’t understand how she had allowed this to happen. There was no way she was going to let this boy rattle her to a point of no return. She had only known him about four days. Everytime she thought about the hesitation in her eyes she wrapped her arms around herself tightly and wished the feelings would disappear. She wished she could redo everything. She wanted to redo the entire night. She wanted to cover her vulnerability and forget it all. 

A small knock sounded against her door and she pulled herself out of her complex thoughts. She brushed the tears away and attempted to make herself look a little more presentable. There was no doubt in her mind that it was LIly knocking. Petunia stepped from the door and went to claim her coat that lay out on her freshly made bed. 

“One second,” she called behind her. 

The door clicked open and Sirius stepped in. He had closed the door behind him and leaned against it casually. At least, he tried to appear casual. He was nervous. 

“Sorry, I just found it,” she told him, fidgeting with the top button as she held onto it tightly. 

“That’s not why I came to you,” he answered, his voice was deep and husky. 

He almost seemed a bit pensive. He studied her and watched as she continuously pushed her blonde locks behind her ear nervously. Sirius wasn’t sure when he got this way. She did things to him and he could see that he did things to her. She wasn’t anything like the girls back at school. She was innocent. She was pure. She was something he had never experienced and he wanted what she had. 

“Then why did you?” she asked, her tone a little clipped. 

“I needed to give you something,” he said, pulling a bright blue envelope out of his pocket.

The edges were slightly folded and it was slightly wrinkled. He handed it to her gently. She went to open the letter but he placed a hand over hers. 

“Not yet,” he instructed. 

“Why not?” 

“Read it at the train station,” he said with a smile. 

His touch burned her hands under his heat but she welcomed it. She welcomed everything he had to offer but he had turned her down. Petunia nodded, placing the letter in the front pocket of her coat.

“I’ll wait to read it but I hope you didn’t write a long letter about how much you didn’t want me. I don’t need the reminder,” she tried to sound a little vicious but her voice wavered.

She went to walk past her and he grabbed her wrist, gently but firmly, and turned her to face him. His face was close and her breath had been taken away under the intensity of his gaze. 

“Don’t ever think that. I don’t want you to think that I don’t want you because I do,” he gave her a small kiss on her forehead, “but I don’t think I’m what you’re looking for.” 

“You couldn’t possibly know that,” she answered. 

He was getting closer to her, his hand still attached to her wrist, and he was about to lean in. Petunia wanted to throw something at her sister when she heard her yell out. 

“Tuney! Are you ready to go?” She called from the other room. 

Petunia sighed heavily and took her wrist out of Sirius’s hand. She wanted to leave it there. Between the sting in her heart and the dull burn on her skin she could barely take it. She was a mess. She hurried out of the bedroom and grabbed her car keys from the bowl. 

“I’m ready,” she said, forcing a smile. 

She toyed with the letter in her pocket and hoped that it was something she would want to read. She hoped it was good news. She stole glances at Sirius whenever she could while she drove them to the train station. His words rang through her ears as she watched them get out of the car and hugged them goodbye. 

I don’t want you to think that I don’t want you. 

Her hug with Sirius lasted longer than anticipated. The feel of him and the nothingness she knew she was about to feel would send her into a pit. She wasn’t ready. It was breaking up without the relationship. He kissed her forehead again and brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“Don’t forget the letter,” he whispered in her ear. 

She nodded and received one final kiss on her lips. She wanted that kiss to last forever but just like this holiday, it had to end. 

She got back in her car as she watched them walk away slowly. He turned back to look at her one final time. His eyes were dark and sad but that couldn’t have been for her, could it? 

Taking the wrinkled letter into her hands she ripped through the envelope to read the contents. His handwriting wasn’t illegible like she had imagined but it wasn’t quite neat. She gasped lightly at the words written there for her. A small smile formed on her lips. 

Flower, 

When I said that I had never done a virgin, it was the truth. That didn’t mean that I didn’t want to. You make me nervous. You were so beautiful and pure that I became jittery. That’s something I’m not used to feeling. I’m what one considers to be a skirt chaser, a dog, or a very bad boy. While I would agree with anyone that tells you to stay far away from me , I can’t stay away from you. You do things to me. I don’t want you to stay away from me. I want to see you again. 

I’m coming to see you in the spring. I hope you’ll still want to see me then. I promise to write. 

Sirius Black

Petunia put the letter on top of her heart and looked up to see if he was still there. She wanted to run to him and give him a kiss with a promise of seeing him that spring. However, he was gone. 

She couldn’t wait until the spring.


	6. The Magical Moment

Dursley’s Home  
Harry’s Third Year - Azkaban Escapee

Petunia was shaken. So much had happened at the dinner that she had worked so hard to make sure went off without a hitch. Glasses were broken, her dining room furniture was practically ruined, Dudley had a button sized bruise on his forehead and Marge had blown into a balloon. After Harry had stormed out of the house after the Marge happenings, Petunia was surrounded in a cloud of confusion and complete terror. How could she have been so careless? She knew she couldn’t let it get the best of her temper. 

Marge had been put back together and deflated as well as obliviated by people from the ministry. She was thankful for that so that there were no stories at future family events. They couldn’t have her finding out about their well kept secret. They did have to make up an allergy to explain the redness and swelling. 

Petunia took a deep breath and waited for a good hour in bed until Vernon was fast asleep. This was when she often snuck to her secret bunker. While Vernon and Dudley were off to their respective places, she formed letters and that allowed her secret owl to stretch his legs. 

She gently folded back the covers and tiptoed over to the bedroom door, begging for it not to squeak. She managed just fine as she hurried down the stairs in the dark and not bothering to change from her nightgown. She had to make sure that it was what she thought it would be. She grabbed a vase filled with Marge’s favorite flowers and crept out the back door to her cellar. 

She looked around to make sure no one was watching and that’s when she saw it. A black dog with shaggy hair. His eyes were dark but he was just sitting on the other side of her garden, panting happily, and then he just laid down. 

That must be the neighbor’s new dog. 

She thought to herself. She couldn’t worry about some silly mutt at a time like this. She had to see if it was true. She needed to know if she was the reason for this evening. 

When she felt she was secured in the cellar she set the vase on her desk and backed away from it slowly. All of her emotions were built up in the back of her mind but they were searing every fiber within her. She was confused, hurt, sad, and angry but nowhere to truly let those feelings be free. Until tonight, or so she thought. 

She had to concentrate. She stared at the vase for what felt like hours and nothing happened. Maybe it hadn’t been here. She closed her eyes but the sickening memory that was tonight crept behind her dulled irises and invaded her thought. 

It’s the mother’s fault anyway…

Marge’s words came calling back to the rage inside Petunia’s head. There was nothing wrong with Lily. There was nothing wrong with James. There was absolutely nothing wrong with Harry. Her fingers curled into her palms and her fists clenched the sides of her nightgown. Something caused her blonde tresses to fall from it’s tight bun and brush behind her with a furious wind. 

If there’s something wrong with the Bitch…

That was all Petunia needed. The wind blowing her hair past her shoulders became stronger and the lights from her candles flickered before going out completely. Her eyes flew open and the vase burst into a thousand pieces that glittered on the dirt floor. Stunned, she fell backwards into the wall with her rapid panting. 

She was the reason. She had made the glass shatter, not Harry. She didn’t blow her up or maybe she did. She didn’t remember. All she knew was that her strong feelings brought the magic back to her fingertips. The magic that she had forgotten about so long ago. She had managed to hide it for years from everyone, even Sirius. What had she been afraid of? 

She had heard from Lily about late onset powers for witches but it was while she was helping Lily study. She hadn’t paid much attention. She wished she had now. Her stomach turned in knots and she begged her body not to throw it up. There she sat on the cold floor with no light, no blanket, and no one to hold her. This made her think of the dog that was sitting in her garden. 

She stood, sure that her face was pale with nausea, and walked outside of the cellar. She locked it up and turned to lean against the warm wood of the door. Her eyes closed and she could almost see his face. It had been thirteen years since she’d seen him but he definitely came to mind now. His kind and dark eyes raking her mind as she let those thoughts simmer. She felt something warm and soft rub past her legs and she looked down to see that the dog had settled next to her. He laid down in comfort and she didn’t bother to shoo him away. He looked peaceful but his eyes were familiar. She sighed heavily and granted him non-verbal access to her overgrown rose bush so that he may have a peaceful sleep. 

“Just don’t let Vernon know that I let you stay here. He hates dogs,” she told him, rubbing his ears. 

The dog leaned into her touch and she smiled at him thoughtfully. She patted his head and walked back into the kitchen, closing the doors behind her securely. 

Should she tell someone that her magic was present again? Would they understand? She answered no to both questions before climbing the stairs quietly. All she wanted was to nestle into her bed and forget everything.

She hoped Harry would be alright. 

-XOX-  
The Dursley’s  
The Next Day

The day went on as it usually did. Petunia sent off her family to their rightful places and acted as if nothing was different. As if last night hadn’t happened. Vernon was particularly quiet this morning with a small peck on her cheek and few sips of his morning coffee. 

Dudley still threw a small fit when there wasn't enough bacon on his plate but Petunia ignored the insults. She was anxious for them to leave so that she could run outside and see if the dog had stayed through to the day. She just wanted to be in her garden. When she moved from her flat in London it had been the thing she looked forward to the most. Something that was just hers. 

They were gone and the house was quiet. As usual, she relished in the peace before practically prancing out to see what had changed. The answer was nothing. The dog was no longer there and a pile of letters sat at the entrance of her cellar. Several were marked as “urgent” or “open immediately” which is what she had done when she closed the cellar doors behind her. She skimmed the pages, reading fast but only catching a few words. 

Black. Azkaban. Escape. Wanted. 

Her heart fell to her stomach and she clenched the sides of the paper in her hands, wrinkling the contents. His face was on the front of this wizarding paper and he was screaming out while holding the number marker firmly in his grip. He looked completely insane. He wasn’t what she remembered. He had escaped from Azkaban. The only things she knew about that place were what Remus had told her in his letters. She was thrilled, nervous, anxious, and worried for him at the same time. 

Murderer.

The word was cold and vacant even on the parchment. They didn’t know him. If they knew him they would know that he would never harm Harry. They would know that he was his Godfather. The lines on his face showed no laughter, only fear, and she noted just how mistreated he looked. This place was worse than a muggle prison, according to Remus. 

On the note attached to the Prophet was a simple phrase and noted by Remus. 

He’s out.   
X-Remus

Petunia was glad that Remus would be a teacher at Hogwarts this year. She could keep better tabs on the situation and on Harry. 

She swallowed hard and thought about the dog that had vanished. She felt like she had seen that dog before but it was impossible. The last time she saw a dog like that one was at her flat in London when she was packing to leave. That would make it a very old dog. She hoped to see the dog again. It provided comfort in a world of loathing and she needed it. 

She couldn’t imagine that things would get any easier and in the back of her mind she knew they wouldn’t.

Things would only get worse.

-XOX-  
Tuesday  
April 25th, 1978  
Petunia’s Flat

The rain pelted down on top of Petunia’s red umbrella as she hurried along the sidewalk. The groceries were spilling out of the paper bag as she fumbled with her keys. She was trying to locate her flat key when she dropped everything, including all of her keys, on the wet and messy sidewalk. The storm was still brewing and the wind started to pick up as she gathered her things. 

She was furious with herself. What had started as such a normal Tuesday turned into something utterly unexpected. She woke a little later that morning than usual and chose a hot shower over her morning coffee. Then she decided to do her errands as usual and this included the post office as well as the grocery store. She had received a call from Vernon earlier that morning that he hated to have to cancel on dinner but that he had to work late. She wasn’t bothered by it. In fact, she was fond of being able to spend some time cleaning her apartment. While she was in the grocery store, hunting for an apparently very rare item, the rain started to poor down. Luckily she had brought an umbrella with her but realized all too late that this particular umbrella had a bad left side. 

She sighed heavily when she had finally reached her flat. She decided to be brave and look up at the sky to see just how dark it was. What she saw wasn’t what she anticipated and it forced her to hurry up the stairs in a practical gallop. She had dropped everything in the floor right outside the door and fumbled with the lock as she hurried to get it open. Swinging the door into the wall, not caring for scratches or dents in a wall she didn’t own, she hurried to close the balcony doors that seemed to have burst open. The floor and her furniture were soaked with the rains dew and covered everything. Limbs and leaves had flown right in and the strong wind wasn’t helping the situation. She pushed the doors shut and leaned against them. Her eyes brimmed with tears when she thought about the mess that was made. 

She tried to gather herself, breathing in and out deeply and closing her eyes to imagine what it would be like to be completely calm. Flowers. Gardens. A breeze. She wanted all of these things. When her heartbeat had returned to normal she opened her eyes to find the flat not as messy as she had previously seen it. Her red umbrella was sitting upright by the door, her groceries were assembled in a bag on her dining room table, there were no tree limbs in the living room and her furniture looked dry. Had she imagined the whole thing? No, she couldn’t have. 

She peered around the room, wondering if she was alone. Her nerves were built up and her hands were shaking immensely from the fury of the storm and the fear of who was in her flat. 

“Hello?” She called out. 

No one answered. 

“Is anyone there?” She called out again. 

Still no one answered. 

She hummed lightly as a response and turned around only to be scared to death by the person behind her. Sirius was laughing at the fear etched on her face as it melted into a rage. His laughing slowed as her rage built.

“What the hell do you think you’re laughing at?” She asked incredulously, panting a little.

“I just think it’s humorous that if someone were to actually break in that you would call out to them first,” he chuckled lightly. 

“Well, I don’t find this situation funny at all!” She shouted, looking around to make sure there was no one else. 

“It’s just me,” he promised her, giving her a half smile.

“I thought I was going to pick you up from the train station tomorrow?” She wondered, coming down from the panic. 

“That would ruin the surprise,” he answered, tucking a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ears. 

She smiled at him, leaning into his touch as his warm palm caressed her cheek. She was thankful Vernon had changed his plans now. She wasn’t dating Vernon but she didn’t want him to know about this. It would raise too many questions. 

“Did you fix all of this?” Petunia wondered, motioning to the furniture. 

“I had to do it quickly. I saw that you were trying to calm down and that gave me enough time,” he said, giving her a soft kiss on the forehead. 

His kiss was warm and light as it graced her skin. She leaned into it and he trailed soft kisses down the line of her nose before giving her a heated kiss on the lips. A kiss that had built up almost four months of sexual frustration. A kiss that was saved only for her and she wasn’t complaining. 

He had tried to move on from Petunia. He gave his best effort. When you turn down some of the horniest Gryffindors at Hogwarts then something has got to be up. People wondered what was going on. Some even rumored that he preferred the other but that wasn’t it. He wanted a fresh flower with no magical ability whatsoever in a flat back in London. He hadn’t stopped thinking about her since he left her at the train station. The thought of her in that open robe plagued his memory and he couldn’t have anyone else. It had to be her. 

The kisses grew more hungry and animalistic as he started backing her up against what he thought was a wall. Instead it was an old stereo that turned on as Petunia backed into it. The song slowed them for a second and the kisses ceased but their contact was far from gone. He rested his head on hers as the muggle tunes filled the apartment. They were rather loud but the song was soft.

He could imagine her dancing to this song. Her hips swaying slowly with her blonde waves matching the motions. He could imagine doing this with her. Mindlessly grinding to a beat he had never heard with her body closer than he could have ever hoped. He took a moment to take in her appearance and she did the same. 

The blue button down shirt she wore was bigger on her and slightly undone at the top. It was enough where he could caress her collar bone with his lips. Her hair was a mess from the heavy kissing and her shorts were showing off her brilliant legs. He had seen them before but never long enough to admire them. She was beautiful. 

It was her softness versus his roughness. She removed his leather jacket, carelessly tossing it to the floor. Giving him a soft sway of her hips to show that she knew what he wanted. He wanted to dance with her. Not too long but just long enough.

Soon their hands were back on each other with a sense of urgency. Tugging and pulling at the clothes that bound them before letting themselves be free. He picked her up in swift moment and practically slammed her against the wall. They wanted this. They needed this. Her pureness was at the back of their minds. He wanted to go back to where they left off.

Their bodies were hot against each other and they both felt the instant satisfaction of their needs as they touched each other. Promises were kept and rules were broken. Sirius laid her down gently on the floor and promised to be careful with his eyes. 

Between the pain and pure desire meshing between them as the night continued, they couldn’t tell you much about where it began and where it ended. The pushing, the thrusting, the kissing, and the heat that radiated from them was almost too much. It was too hot and too sinful but neither cared.

They were too far in.   
They fell in love.


	7. Caught

April 26th 1978  
Wednesday

They lay there on the carpet in her living room completely wrapped up in each other. Once they had started they couldn’t stop and they never wanted to. Everything was perfect. He would make a joke to hear her giggle and then it would start all over again. His hands painted pictures on her body that only he, as the artist, could see. 

Panting, completely out of breath and very spent, he twirled her soft blonde curls between his fingers. He watched her chest rise and fall to the beat of whatever was still coming from the radio. They hadn’t bothered to turn it off. Why would they? They were too far gone in each other at that point. Whether they wanted to admit it now or not, this had been something important. This moment was of great value. 

Her first time was with him. She would never forget it and he could only hope that she didn’t regret it. He ran his fingers up and down her arms as he stared into her brilliant and bright eyes. Her skin rippled with goose flesh as he touched her and he loved the way she came undone under his touch. Her breath hitched as she let her eyes wander over his chiseled features, appreciating every divet that she could delicately. 

They couldn’t stop. They didn't want to. 

“That was…” she said breathlessly.

He waited for her to finish but she couldn’t. She kissed him softly at first and then they grew their passion for each other in that moment. They didn't know how they got to this point but they weren't complaining. 

“Amazing,” she finished finally, breaking the kiss to touch her forehead with hers. 

“Did I hurt you?” He asked quietly, knowing the answer. 

He had been told on multiple occasions that he was tough to take but none of those girls were virgins. He couldn't imagine what it had been like for her and they didn’t stop at just one time. 

“Don’t worry about that,” she said softly, leaning back to look into his eyes again.

She adored them. She had missed them and what they did to her for the past four months. Those months were agonizing. 

“Tell me,” he begged, worry etched in his features. 

“Only at first. The next few times I was getting used to it and it felt so wonderful. There were no words to describe it,” she said, a beautiful smile gracing her face. 

“Are you okay?” He wondered, caressing her cheek with his palm. 

“Sore but completely and utterly satisfied,” she reassured, kissing him softly. 

His smile was soft and genuine. Something she didn’t expect from him but it had all clicked for her. He must have really been nervous back in December with her. There wasn’t a way he could have planned for it to be comfortable even if he tried. That was one thing magic couldn’t do. It just made this moment much more special for them. The raw and aching feelings that loomed over them like a blanket created a small comfort in their decision. It was a heated decision. A passionate decision. A real decision. 

“I hope you never regret this,” he said quietly.

“That’s not possible. If I had to do it all over again then I would pick you. I would always pick you. I do wonder though…” she trailed off, worrying about whether this conversation would ruin the moment. 

She didn’t want to ruin it. His arms were perfect and warm. His kisses were passionate and heavy. His skin on hers still had her swimming and aching for more of him. She had to wonder about the reality. 

“What do you wonder?” He kissed her forehead and traced even hotter kisses down her neck. 

“Does it matter too much that I’m a muggle?” She asked quickly. 

His kisses ceased on her neck and she closed her eyes. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked. She felt his body tense under her touch but she couldn’t look at him. She worried that his view of her would change. He probably forgot she had no magical ability. He took her chin in between his fingers and kissed her sweetly.

“Look at me,” he demanded firmly. 

She opened her eyes to see his dark orbs swimming in the dim light of the room. His fingers still gripped her chin but the hold had loosened a bit. 

“That will never matter to me. Do you understand?” 

She nodded slowly. His thumb grazed her bottom lip before he kissed her passionately and making a move to get on top of her. She moaned pleasantly as he nestled between her thighs proving that she turned him on. 

“Lily was telling me about blood and your family but-”

“Forget what Lily said. It doesn’t change this. It will never change me, you, or us. I’m not a part of that life anymore. I never really was,” he told her sternly. 

She nodded quickly and braced herself for what was going to be the ride of a lifetime. He thrust in and they both cried out in pleasure. Her soreness forgotten and his roughness returning as they meshed together for the fourth time that night. When they were spent they lay together on the couch to finish out an early morning tangled up. Their late night talked had turned into late morning sex. They couldn’t be more pleased with the other. 

Neither could admit it but the love grew. How can you love so fast? She did notice that she wouldn’t have picked Vernon over him for her first. She doubted she ever would. 

-XOX-

The morning came too quickly and Petunia savored the feeling of Sirius sleeping against her. His chin nestled in between the crook in her neck and shoulder. His breath creating goose flesh on her shoulder that sent pleasure through her but she was so tired. She shifted slowly to get out of his tight grasp. They needed coffee, breakfast, and clothes. She spotted his shirt scattered on the floor as she managed to escape his hold. She put it and rushed off to her room to shower. She didn’t really want the memories of last night and this morning to wash down her drain but she felt dirty. A good dirty but dirty nonetheless. 

She imagined that it was already late in the morning but that didn’t mean she couldn’t start a fresh pot of coffee and try to not burn the toast. The shower was wonderful and spread a lavender and vanilla scent throughout the flat. Sirius was still sleeping on the couch when she came out of her room and a smile tugged at her lips. It was everything she had hoped for. Those long four months were retched as they wrote to each other. Longing for the other person had driven them absolutely insane. 

After setting up everything in the kitchen she needed to check the damage done to her flower beds. Her neighbors below her flat hated that she kept flowers hanging over the railings. When she would water them the water would drop down onto their heads while they drank their afternoon tea. She didn’t mind. She preferred her thriving lilies to their constant bitching any day. 

She quietly opened the double doors and smiled at the sight. Her flowers were just as lively as they had been earlier that week. She worried that yesterday’s storm was a little too much for them but here they were. She lightly toyed with the tender petals that formed and took a deep breath. She had never been happier. She felt new. His smell on the shirt she stole from him and the memories flooded through her. She welcomed them. She embraced them for all they were worth. 

Suddenly she felt two arms come around her midsection and pull her tightly to their chest. She knew who it was. The scent, the strength, the fact that he was shirtless, and the husky whisper that flowed from his tongue. 

“I’ve been missing you,” 

She smiled and allowed his to kiss the crook in her neck and her shoulder that he seemed to love so much. Shivers ran up and down her spine for the millionth time since he laid eyes on her. 

“You’ve been asleep,” she chuckled, humor in her scold. 

“Hmm,” he hummed, his voice vibrating against her neck.

“Did you fix these too?” she wondered, turning to face him.

His arms were still firmly wrapped around her but their faces were close. He adored her in this position. Her eyes were bright and he wanted to kiss the freckles that littered her nose in the morning sun. He adored her even more in his shirt. He had wondered where he had thrown it but when he saw her standing on the balcony he smiled to himself. He was completely head over heels for this girl. 

“I didn’t have to regrow them if that’s what you mean. I saw them in disarray on my way in and picked them up. This kind of magic,” he said as he motioned to the beautifully bloomed lilies, “is all you,” 

She smiled widely and happily. That’s when he realized that he lied to himself. This was his favorite thing about her. He loved that it was him who caused that smile. That smile was just for him. He leaned in to kiss her softly at first and it grew like it always did. He wanted her on that balcony right then but he noticed something off about the moment. He felt like they were being watched. His blood ran cold as he pulled away from the kiss instantly. Her brow furrowed as she watched him look around for a second. 

“What’s wrong?” She whispered.

That was when he spotted him. Someone was watching them from the street but Sirius didn’t know who it was. 

“Do you know him?” He asked quickly. 

Petunia turned and the color drained from her face in an instant. Sirius realized exactly who it was. It was that guy she had always mentioned that was courting her. She had written to Sirius talking about him and Sirius disliked the guy. He made her feel terrible. Keeping an eye on both of them he started towards the entrance of the building and he watched panic enter her body. 

“Vernon. He’s coming in,”


	8. Untimely

April 26th, 1978

The beating on the door was sending Petunia frantically through the flat. She threw the shirt of Sirius’s that she had been wearing back at him, giving him a soft peck before running into her bedroom. The pounding was getting louder and louder. It sounded like he could come in the door at any moment. Sirius let his hand wander down to his pocket to make sure his wand was still there. He sighed in relief a little bit but he wasn’t worried. Not about this muggle. 

When Petunia emerged from the bedroom she was very different in many ways that Sirius picked up on. Her hair was in a bun, it wasn’t messy like he remembered, but it was pinpoint perfect. Her black pencil skirt wasn’t tight like his favorite red one and her button up shirt was tucked in, smoothed out, and completely wrinkle free. For someone who had very little time, she was ready faster than he imagined possible. She pulled and picked at everything she had on as panic and worry settled into her blood. 

“PETUNIA! OPEN THIS DOOR IMMEDIATELY!” 

Petunia was sure the muffled shout could be heard by everyone and someone may have already called the officers. She turned to Sirius and almost cried. Vernon could be terrifying when he wanted to be. She felt like she had to cover up for him. He never liked anything too revealing on her. He disliked her hair down. He despised when she didn’t wear makeup.

“Is my skirt too short?” She asked, fixing the hem under her knees.

Sirius got angry. He wasn’t angry at her but he was angry at Vernon for making her feel this way. He was angry at his behavior. Sirius checked again to make sure his wand was in his pocket and didn’t answer Petunia’s exact question. 

“You’re perfect in every way,” he said quickly.

If she heard him then she didn’t react. She lifted a shaky hand to the doorknob and pulled it open to reveal a red faced Vernon Dursley. He took one look at Petunia disapprovingly and then his sights settled on the dark haired bad boy standing behind her protectively. 

“I want explanations and I want them now!” He thundered, pushing past them and into the narrow hallway. 

“What kind of explanation do you need?” Petunia asked shakily, closing the door to keep their argument locked in. 

“Who the hell is this?” He shouted, pointing a stout finger at Sirius. 

That was a question she couldn’t really answer. They hadn’t talked about it yet. She imagined they were together but that wasn’t a move she needed to make. 

“He’s my…” he silenced her by putting a calm hand on her arm. 

“I’m her boyfriend. Sirius. Sirius Black,” he held his hand out to shake but Vernon stared at him like a fly on his food. 

“Preposterous,” he hissed. 

“What’s so unbelievable about that?” Petunia asked, finding her courage. 

It waivered a bit but she was still on a high from Sirius’s words. Boyfriend. It sounded wonderful to the tingles dancing through her body. 

“That’s what we are!” Vernon shouted, his face getting more red by the second. 

“No we aren’t,” she answered. 

“You’re an impossible little tart, you know that?” Vernon shouted, throwing a hand up in the air. 

Petunia had to move so the hand didn’t hit her and she swore that she heard Sirius growl. It was low and deep. Threatening.

“What did you call her?” Sirius questioned, anger rising with every word.

“She’s a tart. A floozy. A good for nothing, ungrateful little-”

Vernon didn’t get to finish his nasty sentence. Sirius had him pinned up against the wall with a wand jammed next to his neck. Petunia’s blood ran cold. Worry etched in her features as she tried to get them to stop. 

“You can say whatever you want to me. Say one more thing about her and I’ll make you regret every second,” Sirius threatened. 

“What are you going to do? Hit me with your little stick?” Vernon spat. 

“Try me,” he whispered, digging the wand a little harder in his neck.

A flash of fear ran over his face but it disappeared behind his true pompous character. He half smirked and out of anger he called her something so cruel that it sucked the wind out of her. 

“Bitch,” he hissed. 

Sirius’s vision went red. They had slurs in the wizarding world but he had heard this one a little too much to know that it wasn’t something just used by muggles. He was getting ready to whisper an incantation that would have caused a lot of distress but a large hand wrapped around his wrist firmly. 

Sirius looked to his left and saw James Potter with Lily behind him. Petunia was shaking and trying to run her hand up her forearms to calm herself. She wasn’t scared of Sirius. She was a mix of everything. She was scared, angry, and upset but her body reacted like an earthquake every time she couldn’t contain it. 

“Not here,” James whispered, pulling him away from Vernon. 

“Vernon Dursley, I presume?” James asked casually, his hand out for him to shake but he received the same treatment as Sirius. 

“Who’s asking?” Vernon spat. 

“Forgive my manners. I’m James Potter, a friend of Sirius here, and this is Lily. She’s Petunia’s sister,” James introduced. 

Lily had a scowl on her face. Petunia knew she had heard him call her some pretty rotten things. Sirius was still furious. He had his eyes on Vernon and he wanted to hex him into something unworldly. He couldn’t though and she knew why. Wizards weren’t allowed to use magic on muggles. That’s why she was glad James and Lily showed up when they did. 

“I don’t really care who you are. We’re finished!” He shouted at Petunia. 

“It didn’t sound like you ever started,” Lily said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Who would ever want to start something with this tramp?” Vernon hissed, narrowing his eyes at Petunia. 

She felt the heat from his burn. He had never said things like this to her. She had never seen this side of him. This was not the Vernon that had been chasing her. This was someone new.

No one moved fast enough to stop Sirius. He lunged forward and punched him square in the jaw. The cracks could be heard throughout the flat and the shouts of pain from both parties were just as loud. Sirius’s pain subsided and he was ready to go again but James stopped him quickly. 

Vernon ran out of the flat so quickly that no one saw him except Petunia. She watched him flee down the staircase in panic as he clutched his jaw. Then it all settled in. 

Tart. Floozy. Ungrateful. Good for nothing. Tramp. Bitch.

He had never even shown the slightest bit of wanting to say these things to her. He was always so upstanding in every way and boring to the point of tears. Not angry or verbally abusive. Things had been over between them the moment Sirius showed up in her life. After last night she had planned to tell Vernon that she was only interested in friendship and that his advances were no longer approved. She hadn’t had the chance. She was glad it was over but the words stung at the back of her eyes with the tears getting ready to fall. 

She turned and noticed Lily mending his hand right in front of her with her wand. 

“Ice might help a little. I’ll go get some,” Petunia said quickly, going into the kitchen to grab a towel and put large cubes of ice inside. 

She hurried, ignoring the tears streaming down her cheeks, and practically ran back out to the living room. Sirius eyed her carefully. He gingerly took the ice towel in his damaged hand and took one of her hands in his. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Vernon on the other hand…” she trailed off, giving him a light peck on the cheek. 

“I’m going to change again. I’ll be back and we can all go get lunch or something,” she said quickly, hurrying off to her bedroom while letting down her bun. 

When she closed the door she sunk against it with tears pouring down her cheeks. She sobbed quietly, only making noise when she inhaled, and tried her best to recover. 

-XOX-

A few moments later, Lily came in just as Petunia was wiping her eyes. She was thumbing through her shirts in her closet. Something that went well with the jeans she had on but she couldn’t find anything she wanted to wear. 

“Tuney?” Lily asked, getting closer.

Hearing Lily’s voice brought a fresh batch of tears to the surface. She was trying to move past it. She really was. 

“I’m almost ready Lils,” smiling a watery smile as she settled on a burgundy shirt that she was sure she hadn’t worn in a couple of years. 

“I don’t think you are,” Lily said sadly. 

“I will be. It’s just that some of those things he said were a little tough to take,” 

“Not one of them was true!” Lily reassured. 

“Maybe they were,” she defended. 

“That’s crazy talk, Tuney,” 

Petunia just shook her head in response and threw the shirt over her head. She ignored Lily’s gaze while she brushed her hair. She knew the question was coming but she didn’t know how to answer it. 

“What’s Sirius doing here so early?” 

There it was. She had been trying to find an explanation all morning to give her sister but she hadn’t come up with one. She had thought that, on some level, she already knew why but apparently not. When she looked over at her sister she saw her wiggle her eyebrows suggestively. 

“We...well we…” Petunia couldn’t say it. 

She was afraid that saying it would make it disappear and it frightened her. Despite everything that happened in the last hour she wouldn’t have changed anything. She’d live through it all over again just to be with Sirius. Some of it frightened her. 

“Tuney!” she giggled. 

Petunia blushed but a huge smile came through the tears. She remembered every moment and it made her tingle with anticipation. His hands on her and his lips on her neck. Those dark eyes that pierced through her and made her feel vulnerable. She liked it. If she was being honest, she loved it. It was something new to her and she was obsessed. 

“So, what does this mean?” Lily asked excitedly.

“I’m not sure. I’m hoping that it means something good,” she said with a smile, wiping the excess tears from her cheeks. 

“I think it means that Sirius won’t be sleeping on the couch tonight,” Lily joked. 

That’s exactly what it means. 

-XOX

Sirius sat on the couch holding the cloth full of ice to his swollen knuckles. He had punched him pretty hard, he was pretty sure he had dislocated his jaw, but he deserved it. Petunia had expressed that he wasn’t very lively or spontaneous but she had never mentioned his verbally abusive tendencies. He wished he hadn’t been a muggle so he could hex him but he wasn’t that lucky. He had fallen for a muggle, after all. A beautiful muggle but a muggle nonetheless. 

“How’s the hand?” James asked casually, leaning back in the lounge chair.

“It’s fine. What’s taking them so long?” he wondered out loud.

He wanted to see Petunia. He was going to go in there but Lily suggested that she go first in case she was really upset. Of course Petunia was upset. Why wouldn’t she be? 

“I don’t know. What’s gotten into you, mate?” James questioned. 

“What do you mean?” Sirius growled. 

He knew exactly what James meant. He hadn’t mentioned Petunia around James. She had been his best kept secret but he hadn’t hid it well from Lily. He was constantly asking her questions about her sister. 

“Why are you here early?” 

There were so many questions floating around with none of them being answered. Sirius didn’t know how to answer them. If he tells James about his feelings for the woman then he would never hear the end of it. He knew that James wouldn’t approve. Not because she was Lily’s sister but for other reasons. 

“I came early to see her. We’ve been writing each other,” Sirius said plainly. 

James read through the bullshit. 

“You’ve got a thing for her!” James practically yelled before Sirius’s glare silenced him. 

“No, I don’t,” Sirius lied.

“Yes you do! It’s written all over your face. You’re head over heels,” James chuckled, folding his hands behind his head with his cocky attitude. 

“So what?” Sirius questioned, standing up from his spot on the couch. 

“I knew it. The moment you laid eyes on her you were smitten. Does being here early mean you’ve had relations with her?” 

When Sirius didn’t answer, James’s eyebrows furrowed. 

“It was her first time, wasn’t it?” James questioned.

Sirius still didn’t answer. James looked down at his hands and shook his head. He didn’t approve. Sirius could feel it. He knew what it was like to take a virgin. James had always warned him about it because it creates feelings that you wouldn’t have expected. What he didn’t know was that he had fallen in love with her before any of that. 

“That’s not good, Sirius,” James said, standing. 

“It’s exactly as you warned but I’m not letting her go,” he said, standing his ground.

“There’s a reason I warned it!” James hissed. 

“It’s just like you and Lily! Why can’t I have the same thing?” Sirius argued. 

“Because she’s a muggle, Sirius! Lily is a witch and we are allowed to be together. If you stay with Petunia then you are only putting the both of you into more danger!” 

Sirius hadn’t thought about that. He knew that he could fall in love but he forgot about the war. Sirius continued to be stubborn and argued that he could keep her safe. He could do that for her and be with her at the same time. It would be hard at first but he was sure they could do it. They fit so well. 

“I can keep her safe,” he said simply. 

James just shook his head and their conversation was put on hold. When Petunia caught Sirius’s eye she looked much better than what he saw when she fled into the bedroom. Her eyes were still puffy but her smile covered up most of it. He waited months for a smile like this and he’d be damned if he was going to lose it. 

“Are we ready?” Petunia asked.

Her voice was still a little shaky but she cleared her throat to rid her voice of it. 

“Yeah, we’re ready,” Sirius said, giving her a kiss on the cheek and taking her hand in his. 

They were definitely ready.


	9. The Broken Vase

April 27th, 1978

When Petunia woke up that next morning she groaned over the searing pain that crept through her head. Between the cottonmouth and bitter taste on her tongue she tried her best to place where she was. A small relief washed over her when she realized she was currently in her bedroom. She couldn’t remember how much red wine she had the last night. It was enough to forget what Vernon, or anyone for that matter, had said to her. She propped herself up on her side and glanced at her night stand. She smiled when she noticed the bottle of aspirin with a tall glass of water next to it. 

Lily, she thought. 

She moaned as she got out of bed, feigning the ever growing headache, and rushed to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She couldn’t stand it if Sirius saw her with wine stained teeth or if he saw her with her hair in disarray. Then again, he had told her that he liked her when she was coming undone. Still, it was no excuse for poor breath. 

The shower felt better but the headache still lingered and had taken over her thoughts. She wanted to try and look nice for Sirius today. She ached for that longing gaze. That mesmerizing, intense stare that drove her wild with desire. She wanted it. She wanted him. 

She giggled at the thought of his hands on her roaming and tugging at her until she was bare and completely his. She remembered the dark desire that always surrounded his brilliant irises and the intensity that boiled her over into a frenzy. 

Petunia glanced in her closet and her eyes caught on to that red dress she had been saving for a real date with Sirius. She knew that it was his favorite color and she consciously tried to wear more of that color at all times in hopes that she would run into him. She had kind of hoped that she could wear it on a real date with him but she didn’t know when or if that would even happen. She fingered the flowy fabric and debated it for awhile but decided that it was much too dressy to waltz around in the living room in. She settled for jeans and a red blouse instead, letting her hair down in soft curls around her face. She hastily wiped at the leftover makeup from her shower and smiled at her appearance. She felt good for once. She was excited. She wanted to see him. She needed to see him. She took a deep breath before entering the living room only to find that who she was searching for was nowhere in sight. The only person around was Lily and she was reading a book that Petunia couldn’t pronounce on her living room sofa. 

It was then that Petunia remembered what had happened. James and Sirius had been called to an emergency meeting regarding school friends. At least, that’s what she was told. He hadn’t been able to witness her tears or lack of rhythm to a song on her stereo. She was a little thankful for that.

“Good Morning,” Petunia said with a smile, glancing in the kitchen to see if they had come back. 

“My, aren’t we chipper?” Lily snorted. 

Petunia shook her head as she kept idly peering around the flat.

“They aren’t here,” Lily told her in a sing-song voice. 

She closed the book loudly and grinned at her sister. 

“Oh,” Petunia answered, trying to sound disinterested when really her insides were disappointed. 

“They’ll be back this afternoon,” Lily said quickly, bringing her knees up to her chest. 

“That should be fine,” Petunia answered, excitement unwillingly seeped through her tone. 

“Don’t even try to act like you weren’t disappointed five seconds ago,” Lily teased. 

Petunia rolled her eyes and decided that she needed a cup of coffee and about ten more aspirin for any conversation with her sister. She knew it was inevitable. She had expressed her interest in Sirius last night to Lily but still it wasn’t enough. Lily wanted to know everything there was to know about her big sister and one of her best friends. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just curious about where they were, that’s all,” Petunia answered coyly, trying not to scoop too much coffee into the maker. 

“Oh please! Like you haven’t been subtly wearing Sirius’s favorite color since he got here,” she said, motioning to the red blouse. 

“I just happen to have a lot of red!” Petunia argued. 

“Sure, whatever,” Lily said with a smile, rolling her eyes like her sister taught her. 

Petunia couldn’t help but smile to herself. It was true that she had brought out more of her red clothing to try and seduce Sirius every chance she could but Lily didn’t need that detail. All Petunia could do was imagine running her hands through his hair and pulling him in for an earth shattering kiss. She wanted to kiss him, tug on his clothes until they were completely gone and feel his hands explore her hips and her back. She wanted to be tangled up in him. To breathe him in. She liked to think she was spellbound. She giggled at her pun and this resulted in Lily arching her eyebrow inquisitively. 

“You can’t stop thinking about him!” She accused.

“Would you stop? I’m a grown woman! I’m perfectly capable of controlling my feelings,” she scolded.

She couldn’t control her feelings but Lily didn’t need to know that either. 

“Let’s go shopping today,” Petunia suggested, hoping her sister would take the bait. 

“So that you can buy more red?” Lily joked but was silenced by Petunia’s harsh stare.

“Okay, okay. Just let me grab my purse,” 

Lily didn’t stop talking about them the entire time they were out. Petunia was thankful for the moment of bonding but she wasn’t prepared for the amount of questions Lily had. What was worse was that she didn’t know if she could answer them all.

What was it like? Was he gentle? Was it fun? Are you going to do it again? Are you dating? Do you like him? Do you love him?

Did she?

-XOX-

Sirius was irritated. He ran his hands through his shaggy hair and sighed heavily. This war was getting bigger and becoming more of a problem as each day passes. It was more dangerous for muggles and muggleborns than ever before. The entire time they were in this meeting he grew more and more worried for Petunia. If he were to be caught with her out in the open they would both have a target on their forehead but she would be first. 

He knew he could protect her but he couldn’t be with her at all times. He hated the fact that James’s words were starting to ring true to the situation. He had to figure it out. He’d be damned if he was going to willingly let her walk out of his life. The very thought clenched his gut viciously. Did he love her? 

He had never been in love with anyone before. At least, what he thought was once love never felt like this. It never pained him when a girl just wanted to be friends or the kind with a benefit. If she were to walk away he could say, confidently, that it would ruin him. He drop into a full on depression that he knew he wasn’t prepared for. 

He forced himself to get the thought out of his head. It hasn’t happened. He would try to prevent it from happening but he had to think about what really saves her from all of this. 

They didn’t come back until later that evening when the girls were already asleep. James quietly left his friend to join Lily but Sirius just stood outside of Petunia’s room. Her door was open and he took that as an invitation for him to come in. He walked into the cool air that resonated in her room and noticed how she was sleeping. 

She was adorable. She was half covered up by the thick comforter and she was swallowed by the pillows. He took the time to admire the glow of her skin in the moonlight and how it shimmered against the color of her pajamas. His eyes grazed every curve and bend like he had never experienced them before. 

Yeah, he thought, definitely worth saving.

Her hair was sprawled all over the pillows in untamed curls but her shoulders were bare and open to the eyes of the moon. Her chest rose and fell in a deep rhythm that he dared not disturb but he wanted to be close to her. He had to be next to her, touching her, caressing her, and breathing her in. He felt like he hadn’t done that in weeks but it had only been one day. 

Getting down to just his boxers he climbed into bed with her, feeling the comfortable mattress with his tired bones but never forgetting the real reason he got in this bed. 

Cuddling up to her he placed his head in the crook of her neck and breathed in deeply, savoring the scent of her that he loved. A mixture of lavender and something he couldn’t quite identify but it drove him crazy. When he noticed the red tint in her sleepwear he was almost positive that he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of her. He kissed her cheek and slowly down the neck until she started to stir. 

“There you are,” she said sleepily, her eyes fluttering open as she smiled between his kisses. 

He growled softly and gently nipped at the spot below her ear which earned a giggle. She flipped over to meet his eyes. Underneath that moon, they appeared so innocent when they were anything other than pure. It didn’t matter. Their shadows were cast against the wall. 

“Where have you been?” She whispered. 

He leaned in to kiss her and wanted to ignore the question, knowing that the less he told her the safer she’d be, but she was a persistent one. It was something he liked about her. 

“Don’t worry about that. It’s not something you need to be concerned with,” 

She knew better. 

“Somehow I don’t think that’s true,” she chuckled.

“I do,” 

“I think if you told me you might feel better,” she told him. 

At this, he rolled her on her back and nestled himself in between her thighs. He had her arms pinned above her head. She gasped and almost purred against his lips as she maneuvered herself into a comfortable position as his eyes studied her. He was trying to read her. It was something he had never been able to do and that suited him just fine. It added to the mystery of it all. 

“Then maybe you shouldn’t think so much,” he growled, kissing her deeply and tightening his hold on her wrists. 

This was something she was surprised that she liked. It was new, it was good, and it wasn’t quite so gentle. He wasn’t treating her like the porcelain doll that was about to shatter anymore and she was thoroughly turned on by this. She wasn’t a doll. She wanted some of his rough exterior. That front he always seemed to have on that turned her on. After all, she had missed him all day. 

“I might agree with you,” she gasped as he ground his hips into her. 

She cursed the fabric between them while he showered her in his kisses that were hot and feverish. The nips on her shoulders ached but were soothed by the mouth that put them there. She was positive that her gasps of pleasure could be heard in the hallway seeing as her door was still wide open. 

“These need to go,” he said hurriedly, trying to remove the shorts that kept him from what he truly wanted. 

Faster. Harder. Deeper. Harder. Faster. 

They didn’t want to stop but they couldn’t hold on.

Faster. Harder. Deeper. Harder. Faster. 

Claws were out and creating visible artwork for anyone looking. 

Faster. Harder. Faster.

Both needing that release that only they could give each other. 

Faster. Faster. Faster.

Panting filled the silent corners of the room and showered them in praise. 

They lay there wrapped up in each other, barely able to speak, but responded in soft kisses that varied between spots. She sighed in satisfaction. 

“I didn’t think I could,” he said breathlessly. 

“Could what?” She asked softly, nearly asleep in his warm embrace.

He thumbed through her golden locks that were still splayed out on the pillow and nuzzled his chin on top of her head. 

“Love,” 

She foolishly let her eyes close at his words but the smile on her lips told him everything he needed to know. 

 

-XOX- 

April 28, 1978

Petunia was sipping her coffee as she sat in her kitchen. Everything was quiet and peaceful. The sun wasn’t even up yet but she was sure it was on its way. She kept thinking about what Sirius had said. He called her his girlfriend in front of Vernon and he practically told her he loved her last night. While she was perfectly content with both statements, could he really be this into her? 

More importantly, could she be just as into him? It’s unwise for a woman to fall in love so quickly, or so she had heard, but it wasn’t uncommon. The chemistry between them was definitely evident and undeniable on every level. Still, could they? Should they? 

She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t heard Sirius come up behind her. He kissed her gently on the top of her head before coming around and giving her a pleasantly passionate kiss. She could get used to that. She wanted it more than anything. 

“Morning,” he mumbled into the kiss, breaking it only to push the stray pieces of blonde hair behind her ears. 

“Good morning,” she said sweetly, bringing him back in for another kiss. 

“I don’t think your sister would approve of us going at it in the kitchen,” Sirius joked, giving her a devilish smile.

“It’s not her flat,” Petunia answered confidently, raising her eyebrows.

Sirius winked at her and turned to make himself a cup of coffee. Actually, he took his wand out of his pocket and muttered something Petunia had never heard before. She watched as her kitchen came alive in the event to get him a cup of coffee. 

“Would you like some more?” Sirius offered, waving his wand over her cup to pick it up. 

She nodded excitedly. She had only ever watched Lily do things like this but it thrilled her to watch him effortlessly refill her mug. She couldn’t believe the things she used to call magic. It made her stomach churn just thinking of the insults. She had been a jealous teen then and she got over it when her parents had died. 

Sometimes it was hard being the black sheep. Everybody wanted her to be able to perform the same tricks and be like her sister. She wasn’t so it was an easy disappointment. Sirius noticed her facial expressions change as he sat the drink in front of her. 

“Something’s wrong,” he noted softly.

“No, there’s nothing wrong. I’m just thinking about a lot of things,” Petunia answered.

She figured that she might as well bring up everything now while they were alone. What she wouldn’t give to ignore it all and be taken on her kitchen table by the one man who drove her insides crazy. 

“It’s probably the same things I’m thinking about,” he answered honestly. 

“You called yourself my boyfriend when Vernon was here,” she started. 

His insides boiled at the mere mention of his name. He wished he could forget that day, the way Vernon made her feel, the tear streaked cheeks that he hoped to Merlin he never witnessed again. 

“You told me you loved me,” she whispered.

“I do love you,” he said confidently. 

He didn’t regret it but the tone in her voice could suggest her feelings were somewhere else. 

“I’m giddy around you and I miss you when you aren’t near,” she admitted. 

“So am I,” he confessed. 

“But should we be?” She wondered.

“Why shouldn’t we be?” He countered. 

This stopped her. They both thought about it as they watched the other carefully. They were too afraid of each other. What was so wrong with it?

“I guess we shouldn’t be worried about everyone else but what about you?” Petunia asked. 

“What about me?” 

“Tell me what you want of me,” she said quietly. 

He paused. It wasn’t because he was unsure of what he wanted. He knew that he wanted her and he wanted her to be just for him. The fact still remained that the war was raging and she was in danger just being around him. For fear that he had paused to long he leaned in to kiss her again. It was swift but it was sweet. There was no denying his desperate desire for this. His want and need for their togetherness. She calmed his storm in more ways than one. 

“I just want you,” he whispered, kissing her lips feverishly. 

He wanted to tell her. He needed to tell her. If they were going to be together then she needed to know but he feared what losing her would mean. It could mean losing a part of him that he knew he could never get back. Isn’t that always the risk? Isn’t that the whole part of being in love with someone? You’re giving them all of you and hoping that they don’t sever you into a million pieces. That’s what it was like for him to love Petunia. He knew it. 

He was being completely honest with a woman for the first time in his life and there were no jokes surrounding their love affair. Since the first day he laid eyes on her it was over for him. She continues to slay him everytime he looks at her. Her eyes would twinkle and she always smelled like fresh flowers. This was it. This had to be it. 

“Then take me,” she whispered. 

He didn’t need to be asked twice. He stood her up and kissed her until he had her pushed against the flowered wallpaper in the kitchen. He did take her in that kitchen. 

More than once. 

-XOX- 

April 30th, 1978

They had to go back to school and Petunia wasn’t happy about it. She had taken them to that train station more than she would have liked. Kissing Sirius goodbye wasn’t what she had in mind but he promised that when they graduated he would be with her more. She had even opened up her flat for him to stay there some this summer if he wanted to. She waved goodbye to them and watching sadly as they walked down the stairs towards where the train would get them. 

Petunia clutched her raincoat closer to her body and tied her hair in a knot on top of her head. She was thankful for the rain. Her flowers needed it and she had orders to fill. She had a small business of growing flowers for her customers to have small bouquets. She wished that she had a greenhouse or a larger space so she could fill more orders but right now those orders bought her groceries. When she was out of flowers she was out. Luckily, for her, she had purchased inside pots to plant the Wisteria seeds she had been saving. 

Thinking heavily about her garden she wasn’t paying attention to what was walking in front of her. She bumped into a large person but she didn’t see his face at first. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry sir! Please forgive-“ but she stopped.

It didn’t take her long to piece things together and she instantly wished Sirius was next to her. Vernon Dursley, with a bruised jaw and sad eyes, stared down at Petunia. She was fearful. She didn’t know how he was going to react but her gut was telling her to run away. 

“Petunia,” he said softly. 

Petunia just shook her head and attempted to walk past but he just hurried to get back in front of her. 

“Here me out,” he begged.

“I don’t think so,” she said quickly, making another attempt. 

“Are you running off to meet that idiot you’re dating?” He asked, stopping her one more time as the anger built up in his voice.

“He’s not an idiot and for your information he has gone back to...to school. I don’t know why I’m telling you anything! It’s none of your business!” Petunia shouted. 

Vernon looked around to see if anyone was listening to them shout in the middle of the street. Of course they were. How could they have not hear them? 

“Can we just get a cup of tea and talk about this calmly? Seriously, Petunia, everyone is watching,” Vernon pleaded.

“Then let them watch! They all need to know how you treated me and our arrangement. Like I was something to be ordered around and verbally abused. I’m done talking to you. Goodbye, Vernon,” she spat, making the last attempt to walk around him. 

He reached out and grabbed her wrist firmly but she was furious. She could have made another bruise on the other side of his jaw but she didn’t have to. She stared at his hand on her in pure anger and he yanked it away in pain. 

“Ow! It burns! It burns!” He shouted, looking around for something to cool it. 

Petunia’s eyes widened in surprise and fear. She didn’t know what he was talking about. He was never one to cause a scene. In fact, he always tried to avoid them with the exception of the fight at her flat and the current situation they were in. She watched him flail around in pain as people rushed to his aid, forgetting all about her in the crowd of onlookers. What she saw next blew her mind. His hand had burn blisters and he was screeching in pain. She hurried away before anyone could accuse her of doing anything to him. 

Her mind ran through a thousand scenarios. She continuously touched her arms to see if they were scorching hot but she wasn’t. She was actually quite cold and wet from the rain. Once she had arrived at her flat she slammed the door behind and slid to the floor. The world spun around her and she felt nauseous. 

What just happened? Did I dream it? 

She had a hunch and it was something she had mixed feelings about. She didn’t want anything to be on fire so she decided to try something new. She ran to her kitchen and pulled a small vase from under the sink. She sat the vase in the middle of her kitchen table and stared at it. Nothing happened. She was relieved but then she had a thought.

I was mad at Vernon.

The thought turned into her feelings and the thought of him grabbing her like that set her off. Her eyes narrowed and she imagined that he was the vase. The lights in the flat started to flicker and her hair moved from the sudden air burst. 

The vase then burst into a million pieces that scattered across her table and floor as she, Petunia the supposed muggle, fainted.


	10. The Turning Point

The Dursley House  
Harry’s Fourth Year

Petunia couldn’t figure it out. Harry had been happy and why shouldn’t he have been? It had been his birthday. Petunia had Remus tell Sirius what kind of cake was Harry’s favorite so that he was sure to send him one. She knew he would. That was his style. 

Vernon had been irritated but why shouldn’t he have been? He was having to suffer with the rest of the house on a diet and usually when Harry was happy it meant that Vernon was miserable. He had also found out at the beginning of the summer that Sirius, his least favorite person in the world, was back and was Harry’s godfather. This mix of emotion drove Petunia to chew on her tongue and bite back anything that could potentially give away her stance. 

Petunia was cleaning one afternoon before Harry left for school and found a letter to Sirius from Harry stuffed in the side of his mattress. She hadn’t meant to snoop but she couldn’t help it. He had been thanking Sirius for the offer to stay with him and that when he’s old enough he would definitely take him up on the offer. It didn’t make her mad but she was a little irritated with the offer. Sirius knew why he couldn’t do that. Harry would be running for his life more so than he already is. 

Telling Harry anything now would just confuse him. It seemed like the rest of his life he was meant to live in the shadows. That bothered her more than the fact that her rose bushes were dying from the sweltering heat that felt like London’s hottest. 

I hope he remembers to keep the letters secret. 

Petunia often worried about whether Sirius would spill the beans or remember, like most things in Harry’s world, that it was all to be kept secret. She hadn’t received any kind of letter from him but she hadn’t expected him to write. He was still in danger and she was fine talking to him through Remus. 

She thought back to her roses. This was where she was. Safe in her garden. Dudley had been sent off to school with the fear of a constant swollen tongue and Vernon was off at work with a nasty attitude as always. She sulked in front of her dead bushes while cutting the dead limbs and trying to avoid the thorns. She was so angry that she could cry. All she wanted was for these bushes to thrive. She had managed to keep them going for years and she never imagined the lengths she would have to go through to keep them alive. 

In a weird way they reminded her of Harry. He was the rose bush and she was the caretaker. Granted, she didn’t have to lie to her flowers to keep them flourishing but they looked miserable in her garden. She peered around and noticed that most of her flowers were dying. There was something else she noticed. The black dog. 

He came every night and day around the same time. He looked famished, a little ragged, and tired. He was still happy to see her but the pitiful look on Petunia’s face made him whimper as he got closer. 

“They’re all dying,” she sighed, exasperated. 

She tossed the dead limbs to the side and plopped on her bottom in the dry, dusty dirt. She begged the sky for rain that never fell. The dog came up and lay next to her legs as she paused there in the heat. The sun was beating on her back but she didn’t care. After wiping the sweat and dirt from her brow she leaned into the dog who seemed to hold her up. 

“I wish I could let you in,” she whispered, “you must be thirsty.”

She stood to run the spicket and filled his hidden bowl next to her shed. She patted the ground for him to trot over and he did willingly, lapping up the cool water before laying by her feet once more. He just stared at her.

Those eyes. There was something about them that reminded her of Sirius. Dark and brooding Sirius. They were some of the things she loved about him. She missed him. She knew that much. 

“I think I can tell you secrets,” she whispered, looking around at her garden. 

He perked up as if he were really listening. This dog had been around for quite some time now. He didn’t have a collar and he didn’t appear to have owners who looked after him in any way. She had debated one afternoon about begging Vernon to let her keep him but she knew how that would go down. Besides, the dog needed the freedom. 

“I wanted more than this,” she confessed, dusting the dirt off the spade that still remained in her hand. 

“I wanted a bigger garden in the countryside somewhere. I wanted my floral business to flourish and I wanted to be with the man I truly loved. I settled,” 

Tears were prickling at the corners of her eyes. She sniffed and blinked them back as she let her head rest against the warm brick. She felt the dog lay his head in her lap and when she looked down she couldn’t help but smile. His eyes, the color of metal, were staring up at her with somber sentiment. She chuckled to herself. 

Even the dog finds me pitiful, she thought. 

“Vernon’s off at some boring job that I can’t remember the name of, my entitled son is off at school, and my nephew is having a grand time at some...foreign school that I wished I had the chance to see. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want any of this. You know what else I wanted?” she asked the dog. 

Of course he couldn’t answer but he did cock his head to the side questioningly. 

“I wanted that night so many years ago to go smoothly. Things might be different. My sister might still be alive and my nephew wouldn’t find me so horrid. Oh, I hate the me that I’ve become,” Petunia cried out, wiping her eyes with her dirt ridden hands. 

She didn’t care. Everything she did care about was gone and the thing she cared about the most hadn’t contacted her since he escaped from Azkaban. 

“One letter from him would be nice. I just want to know how he’s doing,” she confessed, scratching behind his ears. 

He nuzzled her stomach with his nose and lay his head against it. She didn’t bother telling the dog who he was that owed her a letter. They don’t care about the details. 

“I bet you’re hungry. I think I still have scraps from last night’s dinner. It’s not much but it’s something,” she told him, patting him on the head before getting up from her spot.

She walked into the kitchen to make a bowl of food for him and winced at the small amount that barely covered the bottom. She could try to cook him some bacon or maybe even some eggs but she knew how that would turn out. He didn’t deserve any burnt food in the bottom of his bowl. It should be about quality at this point. She needed to remember to grab some dog food at the shop before tomorrow evening when she knew he would return. 

“Here you g-” 

She stopped. She was frozen on the concrete entrance to her garden. Her eyes widened and the half empty bowl of food had fallen to the floor with a clank. She couldn’t believe her eyes as she peered around her once dim garden. 

Her rose bushes where Harry used to hide from Dudley were in full bloom and all of her flower bushes were completely budded. Her garden looked like something she had only seen in magazines and they surpassed her hopes for a garden this beautiful. Her garden tools had been put away and cleaned as if they hadn’t been in use all day long. She stood in the middle of her garden and couldn’t believe what she was witnessing. She peered around for the dog, wondering if he had seen who did this, but she only found a letter. A cream colored envelope with a red seal sat beneath her revived roses and her heart skipped a beat at the familiar lettering. 

Sirius.

That thought sent pleasant shivers up and down her back as she desperately searched her garden in hopes to catch a glimpse of him. When she couldn’t find any she peeled the letter open and impatiently ripped through the material to get to its contents. 

 

Petunia,

It’s the best I could do. I couldn’t stand to see your garden is such disarray. Forgive me for not having written to you sooner. I had every intent but I’m still being searched for. I can’t send a proper letter to you until this war is over. I appreciate the tip on Harry’s birthday cake. You look beautiful when you’re getting dirty in your garden. I know that none of those sentences match the other but I’m in a hurry. I have to be off soon. 

Don’t be so hard on yourself. He’ll understand in time. 

Love,  
Sirius Black

P.S. You might want to go inside. It looks like rain.

When she finished the letter, a large raindrop fell on the letter and encased the ink that collided with. She looked up at the suddenly dark grey sky and ran under the dry awning that sheltered her concrete patio. She laughed out loud and threw the letter in a nearby chair as she ran straight into the torrential downpour. The cool droplets of water covered her face with kisses as she laughed and twirled about like a five year old. 

She stopped laughing and looked back at the letter. A familiar pang etched its way back into her heart and she couldn’t fight it. She didn’t want to fight it. She just smiled as she thought about it. 

He signed it with love.

-XOX-

June 15th 1978  
The Graduation Party 

For the past several nights since the incident with her supposed magic, Petunia had woken up in cold sweats from dreams that she couldn’t remember. The only thing she could remember were colored lights and it ended with the sound of a vase busting into a million pieces. 

She wiped the beads of perspiration from her forehead and took a shaky breath. She hadn’t been able to think of her magic as a good sign. She wished it had shown itself when she turned twelve instead of twenty one. It’s made her physically sick and she had no one to tell. 

A scalding hot shower and fresh laundry weren’t enough to shake her from her downward spiral. The only thing that brought her up a little bit was her recent letter from Sirius. He expressed how he couldn’t wait to see her and that he had been dreaming of her the past couple of months since their last meeting. He said things that made her heart soar but then reality hit her. 

She had to tell him.   
She had to tell Lily.   
Right?

Since that afternoon she hadn’t been able to reproduce the same magic she had once projected with force. She hadn’t even been able to crack vase. 

“You’re in deep thought,” mused Lily from the kitchen doorway. 

Petunia jerked away from her thoughts and nearly fell out of her dining room chair. She huffed at Lily who had a habit of popping in unannounced. Her annoyance was masked by a desire to see Sirius come around the corner but he wasn’t there. 

“I didn’t hear the door,” Petunia offered it as an apology but Lily just smiled. 

“That’s because I can apparate in now, silly. I graduated!” Lily shouted excitedly.

“Oh Lily! I’m so proud of you!” Petunia shouted before going over to give her sister a huge hug. 

She tried to hide the sadness in her face for not being able to attend the graduation. She was told not to by Lily and Sirius. That I would be safer at home and that they would see me after. It didn’t stop Petunia from getting her sister a special graduation present. James had told Petunia that there was this stationary set that Lily had her eyes on in Diagon Alley. 

It was called the Peacock Quill and Stationary set with a quill that was bathed in rhinestones on the quill all the way up the base before sprouting into a beautiful, but small, peacock feather. The green and blue would match her eyes. At least, that’s what James had told her. So, Petunia forked out what money she had to purchase the gift. Judging by the sizeable hug she was receiving from Lily she gathered that she loved the gift. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there,” Petunia apologized.

“We told you not to!” Lily assured. 

“I know but...how is Sirius?” Petunia questioned. 

Lily’s smile widened at the mention from her sister. She loved that they were in love. Despite it being the wrong time it still happened. 

“He was sad but that’s all going to change tonight,” Lily answered brightly. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“There’s a party in Diagon Alley tonight for the graduates. We planned it ourselves. He doesn’t know you’re coming,” she clapped excitedly. 

Petunia’s eyes widened in surprise. 

“Lily, listen, I don’t think he’s going to want me there,” Petunia tried to reason with her sister. 

“Are you kidding? He has been on about you nonstop since we got on the train in April. Believe me, he’ll want you there,” she said, dragging her sister by the hand towards her bedroom. 

“What are we doing?”

“We’re going to find something that will make him eat his heart out. Since you claim that you own a lot of red…” Lily joked, remembering the last comment she had made in the apartment. 

“I really do,” Petunia blushed. 

Petunia wasn’t even thinking about the clothes that her sister sent flying throughout the room. They were falling off of their hangers and causing a mess that she knew Lily would clean up. Her mind was rushing through the movements of telling them what happened with Vernon. Petunia didn’t know how to explain. She was more scared of their reaction. 

Would Lily be thrilled or upset that her magic was developing late if it was developing at all? What would Sirius think of her? Would he be pleased that his girlfriend was a witch? She didn’t know. Would he love her more if she had magical abilities? 

She continued to think and think until she was bogged down with all of the possibilities but none of them were in her favor. Then again, she hadn’t been able to make the mysterious vase breaking and hand burning happen again so it could have been a fluke. Petunia thought that she may have imagined the entire thing. 

Her thoughts ceased when a deep wine colored dress fell into her lap. She stared at it while ignoring the fabric and pieces that flew by her face to be back in her closet. 

“Why haven’t I seen this number before?” Lily asked, arching an eyebrow curiously.

“I was saving it for a date with Sirius,” Petunia said with a smile as she fingered the material. 

“I can’t wait to see his jaw drop when he sees you tonight. This is going to be so much fun!” She shouted excitedly, thumbing through the jewelry on Petunia’s vanity. 

“Isn’t this a little...much?” Petunia searched for the words. 

“What’s going on with you?” Lily asked, her brow furrowing. 

She had whipped around to stare at her sister. Since Petunia had been with Sirius, which hadn’t been that long, she had let herself be free with her choices. She rarely wore her hair up, she hadn’t been quite as uptight, and she had felt a little more sexy than she used to feel. Something had happened. Some form a backlash. Lily noticed it. It was true that something big had happened but Petunia was still on the fence. 

“I-uh...just don’t feel like myself,” she started. 

“I can see that. What’s going on?” 

Petunia shifted uncomfortably in her position on the bed and stared at the palms of her hands. How could she tell her? After all the horrible things she said to Lily about her being magical. Petunia had just chalked it up to jealousy and apologized since but still. How could she tell her?

“I just…” 

“Do you not love Sirius anymore?” 

“Of course I do!” Petunia shouted, shocking herself.

She did. She absolutely did.

“Then what is it?” Lily asked. 

The various emotions rushed through her veins and was driving her crazy. She couldn’t control it. She was going out of her mind. Between her new found love for Sirius Black, her sister’s constant questioning, and the installment of her own magical ability she was losing it. She could feel the wind start to stir from nowhere in particular. It was strong and it was large. She had the strong need to close her eyes and cover her ears before slamming her fists down into the bed. 

“Stop!” Petunia shouted. 

Cracks could be heard but nothing was in a million pieces. When she opened her eyes she had cracked her floor length mirror into seven shards. Lily was standing there. Just standing there. She touched the broken mirror gingerly and turned to face her sister in disbelief.

“You’ve-“ she started but couldn’t finish. 

She turned back to the mirror as if to remind herself of what she had just witnessed. Petunia’s eyes were brimming with tears and was shocked at Lily’s next words.

“This is amazing!” Lily shouted excitedly.

“Amazing? How can you say that? I’m in my twenties and I have late onset powers. How is that amazing?” Petunia asked, irritation getting the best of her.

“It’s amazing that you have them at all! Do you understand what this means?”

“Yes. It means that I’m ridiculous. He’ll never look at me the same,” Petunia sighed heavily, letting a few stray tears slide down her cheeks. 

“Are you kidding?” Lily asked, a hand on her hip.

“Does it look like I’m kidding?” 

“Sirius is crazy about you no matter what you are. Whether you’re a muggle or a starter witch he’d still be head over heels in love with you. He’s talked to no other woman except for you and he told James that he…” Lily stopped herself.

“What?” Petunia questioned, shaking her head. 

“Look, just get in the shower, put on that dress and let me doll you up tonight. You’re going to look so groovy!”

Petunia winced at the slang term and shook her head. Now that Lily knew she had to tell Sirius. It was only fair. 

-XOX-

Petunia talked Lily down from the wine colored dress that was too short to possibly be comfortable in. Lily settled on a top from her own closet and forced it over Petunia, not giving her a choice but to wear it. Petunia rubbed her forearm as she stood in front of this pub like place in Diagon Alley with her sister by her side. 

“Would you stop fidgeting?” Lily whined, knocking into her sister to get her to keep her hands still. 

“I can’t help it. This is so revealing!” Petunia argued, pulling her blonde curls over her shoulder to fix the burgundy lace that she didn’t feel qualified as a strap. 

She thanked her lucky stars that the top did barely cover her midriff and she wore her mother’s pearl bracelet. It was the only thing given to her besides a heap of money to care for Lily with. She reached behind her head to make sure the gold clip still held half of her hair up with the vine-like design. She didn’t feel pretty but Lily reassured her that she looked “drop dead gorgeous.”

“Are you ready?” She questioned. 

“Won’t I get in some sort of trouble for being here?”

“Why would you?” Lily wondered outloud. 

“I’m a muggle,” Petunia whispered.

“Based on your performance this afternoon I don’t think you can claim that term anymore,” Lily said with a wink. 

Petunia couldn’t help but smile. 

“Let’s go. We’re late. I don’t want all the good firewhiskey to be gone before I get in there,” she said, pulling Petunia by the hand into the strange pub. 

She didn’t even get a chance to ask what firewhiskey was before she was crowded by the rest of the people in the pub. The smell was a mix of well fermented beer and flowers that wasn’t as pleasant as it might have sounded. The music was pumping through the place and it wasn’t anything that Petunia recognized. There were some people in robes but the rest were in casual wear that ordinary people would have on. For once, Petunia didn’t feel like a stick in the mud. There were girls who had drunk quite a bit that were flirting with the lads. They were tossing their hair to the side and giving coy laughs as she passed them by. Lily hadn’t let go of Petunia’s hand but Petunia slowed when they got closer to where Sirius and James were standing with a couple other blokes. 

“Hey Sirius, I have a surprise for you,” she sang, giving James a kiss on the cheek. 

He turned and a mix of emotions swept across his features. He went from completely happy to panicked and then back to happy as a smile formed on those perfectly shaped lips. Those lips she had been craving since he left the last time. Her heart jumped when she saw him and he closed the space between them by pulling her by the hand and into his firm chest. His eyes were smoldering as he took in her appearance. He eyed her hungrily and gave her a kiss that sent chills up her spine. 

He pulled away and whispered in her ear. 

“I can’t wait to take those off,”

He pulled her by the belt loop on her jeans and she thought she heard him growl. 

“I take it you like the outfit,” she smiled.

He kissed her once more in appreciation before turning back to his mates. 

“Petunia, these are friends of ours. This is Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew,” Sirius introduced.

Petunia shook their hands politely and smiled at them. 

“We’ll be right back,” Sirius said quickly, taking her by the hand again and pulling through the crowd.

Once they were outside of the pub, he drug her to an empty alleyway that was dark and damp. He pushed her back against the cool cobblestone and wrapped his arms around her waist. 

“Miss me?” She said through his kisses. 

He just growled, lifting one of her legs to wrap around his waist in haste. 

“Easy boy, easy,” she cooed lazily, not really wanting the haste to cease but she needed to talk to him. 

“You’re killing me, love,” he whispered, stealing another soft kiss from her lips. 

“Trust me, I want this more than you do,”

“Doubtful,” he answered, running his hands through her blonde locks and fingering the burgundy lace on her shoulder. 

“There’s something-“ she was momentarily preoccupied with his kisses as she tried to get this out. 

Was this the right time? She hadn’t even been with him for longer than ten minutes today. 

“I’ve wanted to tell you,” she finished, gasping as his hands roamed her back. 

“What would that be?” He questioned, lightening the kisses but never stopping. 

“It’s sort of-“ she paused. 

She paused a little too long. 

“Yes?” He stopped completely, staring into her eyes.

“I’ve got-“ 

If they knew then what they knew now they might have ravaged each other a little faster and acted a little more primal. They would have told each other what they had been harboring for months and they might could have salvaged this. She would have told him faster. If they had known that something terrible was going to happen that would alter their entire world they would have done everything they could and stayed in that moment a little longer. However, she didn’t. They were each other’s best kept secret

Her sentence was cut off by lots of shouting along with a sea of red and green streams that flew past them as they were in the alley way. 

That wasn’t good.


	11. The Last Time

June 15th 1978  
The Leaky Cauldron 

They just stood there. They were unsure of what to do. They were completely zoned in on each other and their needs. Sirius realized what he had to do and this is exactly as he had feared. He had been happy to see her there at the party but he knew that she wouldn’t have been safe there. He knew it. This proved it. 

As the curses flew by them, he knew he had to hide her and the only place safe for her would be in that very alley way. He pulled her hand, gripping it firmly, and hurrying her to the back of the alley to hide behind a mess of cardboard boxes. This was all he could do. 

“I need you to stay here,” he instructed.

“What about Lily and James?” Petunia asked, glancing nervously at the men in dark coats that were firing incantations at former students.

“I’m going in to find them. You can’t move from this spot, do you understand?” 

“Can’t I help?” Petunia asked, clearly shaken. 

“No,” he stated firmly. 

“But can’t I-“ 

“No!” He shouted. 

He hadn’t meant to be so firm with her but he needed her to stay here. He needed her safe. He leaned in to kiss her forehead gently and placed his forehead on hers. 

“Come back to me,” she whispered.

It was so quiet that he almost missed it. He nodded and touched her cheek before hurrying off through a backdoor into the pub. Petunia just sat there. She sat there for a few minutes but it felt like hours. She couldn’t stand it. She stood from her spot in the alley and hurried off towards the back door into the pub. 

Opening the door, she was nearly hit by a blue light that had gone zooming by her head. She fell against the doorframe and hurried past the couple dueling in the corner. She looked around as fights were continuously breaking out, various colors of light zoomed past her in every angle as she searched the crowd for a familiar face. 

James was dueling a few people in a corner that he was backed into and Sirius was fighting just as many. It wasn’t until she saw Lily fighting on the loft above that she hurried up the stairs to help her sister. As soon as she got up there she saw Lily’s wand fly out of her hand and land in front of her.

She felt helpless. She wanted to help more than anything but she didn’t know how. The closer the robed witches got to Lily the more panicked Petunia got. She searched the room for something. Anything. Her eyes landed on the two windows behind them and wanted to at least try to break them. She ran forward to stand in front of her sister.

“Petunia! What are you doing?!” Lily shouted as Petunia shoved her out of the way. 

At the sound of her name, Sirius looked up to see Petunia standing in front of several of the cloaked figures. His blood ran cold and he could have sworn that his heart stopped. He tried to hurry up there but he wasn’t done with the ones that stood in front of him. They kept him blocked against the wall. 

“Stay away from my sister,” she threatened them.

They just laughed when they noticed that she wasn’t holding a wand. Petunia closed her eyes and thought about their laughter, her sister on the floor shouting her name, and her boyfriend fighting for his life below her. All of the emotions ran through her veins and controlled her senses. She was going to break the glass and the shards were going to pierce them. At least, that’s what she had planned. 

Her hands lifted involuntarily and flames emerged in a circle around her and the cloaked figures. Her eyes widened and she screamed. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They started to freak out slightly as their cloaks caught on fire and they didn’t have a chance to escape. The loft was starting to give way. 

Sirius bolted, taking the advantage of his shocked opponents and hurrying to get up the loft to grab Petunia but he couldn’t. Not in time, at least. 

Lily had run down the stairs to see if she could mend the wooden columns before they were burnt up but she didn’t get there. 

The loft began to crumble. 

Petunia heard the loft give way.

“Tuney! Jump!” She heard Lily shout. 

She did, not knowing what she was jumping into but she did. She was caught by someone with strong arms and a familiar scent that comforted her. 

Sirius. 

They ran out of the pub and gathered out on the streets with their other friends as the pub fire was being put out. 

“We need to get out of here,” James said sternly, pulling Lily close to him as they all apparated out of Diagon Alley. 

-XOX-  
June 15th 1978  
Back At Petunia’s Flat

“I told you to stay in the alley!” Sirius shouted. 

They had been arguing since they got back. Of course, after the “Thank Merlin, you’re safe” kisses and “I could kill you but I need you” hugs, they were arguing. It was their first argument and they were infuriated beyond belief. They wanted to let out their adrenaline. 

They would rather let out their adrenaline roughly against a wall entangled with each other but they were too shocked for it. 

“I couldn’t just sit there and let you guys get hurt or worse! I knew I could do something about it!” Petunia shouted back at him. 

Her blonde hair was wild and her eyes were even more so. 

“I wanted you to stay there! You would have been safer had you just listened to me,” he argued. 

“I don’t remember signing something saying that I had to do everything you told me!” 

Her arms flailed in the air with more meaning than her words. He had to stop himself from smiling at her feisty behavior. He was angry that she was in danger without him being able to do much but he was so glad she was here fighting with him. He waited for her breathing to return to normal before he asked the inevitable question that had been brewing since they got back to her flat. 

“When did you learn that you had magic?” He asked softly, braving a few steps to get closer to her. 

“The day you left. I ran into Vernon, quite literally, at the train station. He grabbed my wrist and apparently I had burned him. Then I came home and broke a vase just by thinking about how mad I was. I didn’t think it would have gotten so out of hand,” she said, putting her face in her hands, turning away from him. 

“He put his hands on you?” Sirius asked, anger bubbling the pit of his stomach.

“I think he learned his lesson,” she stated, inhaling deeply. 

“Why didn’t you write to me about this?” Sirius asked, coming behind her and running his hands up and down her arms gingerly. 

“What would you have done?” She questioned, turning around to face him. 

She laid her hands on his chest, favoring the sturdiness underneath and the way he pulsed slightly under her touch, and pressed in on him.

“There is nothing you could have done about it,” she told him, answering her own question.

“I would have been someone to tell. I can see that this has been eating at you since April and it infuriates me that you couldn’t come to me with it,” he whispered, placing his equally warm hands on hers.

“Almost as infuriated as you were about the alley?” She asked, somewhat joking. 

“Not quite,” he joked, smirking before placing his forehead on hers. 

They stopped what they were doing when they heard a chorus of voices come barreling through her front door. James, Lily, and Remus had been talking in the hallway while Sirius and Petunia hashed out the happenings. None of them look extremely pleased. In fact, they looked distraught. 

“What’s going on?” Sirius asked. 

“We were ambushed by Deatheaters tonight,” Remus answered, wringing his hands nervously. 

“Go on,” Sirius probed. 

“They know who caused the fire and killed some of their men. Granted, it wasn’t fiendfyre but it was enough to do damage to the entire pub as well as take down some of the followers,” James tried to explain. 

“How did they know where you would be?” Petunia asked, not knowing who the deatheaters were and she didn’t care. 

“We don’t know. Someone tipped them off but we don’t know who. We’re no longer protected by Hogwarts or any other kind of charm so we’re easy to get to,” Lily answered her. 

“Where’s Peter?” Sirius demanded. 

“We don’t know that either,” James chimed back in. 

“I smell a rat,” Petunia whispered to herself. 

She didn’t think anyone had heard her but she felt Sirius squeeze her hips to let her know that he agreed and he chuckled lightly to himself. She hadn’t realized that he was standing behind her now but it gave her a small confidence boost. 

“There is something we do know,” Remus said nervously, eyeing Petunia. 

This wasn’t good. 

“Well, spit it out,” Sirius demanded. 

This definitely wasn’t good.

“They know who Petunia is now,” Remus answered.

“They know that her last name connects her to Lily,” James said quickly.

“That puts her in even more danger with...you know, them,” Lily said sadly. 

Sirius’s eyes widened and he moved to stand in front of an extremely nervous Petunia. His breath was heavy and rigid. He looked like he could bust any second but it wasn’t his friends he was angry with. 

It was the war. 

“How do they know who she is?” He seethed. 

No one knew the answer but Sirius felt like he did. 

Peter Fucking Pettigrew. 

Sirius didn’t want them to know that he was thinking it but it was the only explanation. He never really liked Peter all that much and the term friend was used lightly. If Sirius found out that he was the one who ratted out his girlfriend then Peter would have to watch his back. 

Petunia walked to the kitchen to busy her hands. No one dared to follow her. 

-XOX-

“I don’t understand how that is part of it!” Sirius argued with his mates in Lily’s bedroom. 

They didn’t want Petunia to know about it but at the volume that Sirius was shouting she probably already knew. 

“Can you calm down?” Lily hissed. 

“You tell me that my girlfriend has to have her last name changed by getting married to someone that’s not me and you want me to calm down?!” He shouted back.

“It’s the only way,” James answered calmly. 

“Like hell it is!” 

Sirius paced the room furiously and thought deeply. There was no way. It couldn’t happen. They could run away together. They could…

He stopped in his tracks, realizing how the words sounded in his head, and tried to process them. She would be in even more danger taking his last name than someone else’s but he couldn’t fathom it. The thought made his blood boil and he felt he could change right then and there. Trying to keep it together was becoming harder and harder to do the more he imagined her hand in someone else’s, her waist being held by someone else, and her kiss being shared with someone other than him. The burn was almost too real. 

“Sirius,” Lily said softly, braving some steps to get near him. 

He turned to look at her but he was still fired up. Some of the facial expressions he usually saw on Petunia were favored in Lily but it didn’t ease him. He just ran his hands through his hair and took deep breaths. 

“You promised to protect my sister, didn’t you?” 

“Yes,” he said shortly. 

“Did she have to be with you to warrant that protection or do you love her enough to protect her regardless?” she asked, her voice breaking. 

“I love her,” he whispered, tears brimming his eyes.

He didn’t know if they were sad or angry tears but they were still there. He was losing something. He was losing something so precious and real for the first time in his life. It was killing him. How would he even approach this? 

“Why can’t she change her first name?” Sirius asked. 

“It’s the last name that connects her to me,” Lily reminded him. 

“Your last name is getting ready to change,” he thought out loud. 

“Not for several more months and Merlin knows what’ll happen to her by then,” she reasoned.

“What about mine?” Sirius asked desperately.

He was trying harder and harder not to have to let her go but he just didn’t see it happening. 

“Your last name?” Lily asked incredulously.

“Yes,” he said shortly. 

“Mate, you’ve had a bounty on your head from day one. You’d make it ten times worse for her than it already is. You’ve already asked this, Sirius. It can’t be you,” James explained calmly. 

Sirius ran a nervous hand through his hair and cursed out loud. This was complete nonsense. 

“Who is she going to find to marry in such a short amount of time?” James asked Lily. 

Sirius wanted more than anything to be the one in that moment. He had never been more angry at the war. 

“The only person I can think of would be V-“ Lily started.

“Don’t say his name,” Sirius warned. 

“Can you think of anyone else?” Lily huffed. 

“Not him,” he said flatly. 

“How many muggles do you know?” Lily shot back. 

“He grabs her, he calls her names, he’s a horrible human! You can’t do that to her!” Sirius shouted. 

“I want my sister to be okay, Sirius. Just like you do. I think he’s a little different now that he knows what she can do. He got a taste of it. He won’t mess with her,” Lily persuaded. 

“This is complete and utter madness!” He shouted. 

It made no sense. She’d be safer with someone who treated her poorly? No, she wouldn’t be. Sirius was sure of that. His pacing began again and he couldn’t stand it any longer. 

“Listen, mate,” James began, “I know how much you love her. But keeping her locked away for just yourself isn’t fair to her. She needs a life. I’m not saying it will be the best one with him but it won’t be dangerous. She’ll pretend to be muggle and fit in with the rest of them. If you love her like I know you do then letting her go is the only option available.”

Sirius turned his back to James and wiped furiously at his eyes, ashamed at the falling tears. The anger and loathing for the situation was quickly turning to sadness and depression. How was he going to live knowing that she was unhappy? He wanted her safe. 

So he was willing to try. 

-XOX-

She had heard everything. The crack in her heart was so loud that she could hear it breaking into a million pieces. Sirius was trying so hard to keep her to himself but he couldn’t. There was no side of this deal that allowed them to be together and that thought etched away at her soul. 

She turned away from the door, acting like she was tidying up the magazines that littered her worn coffee table when she heard the door open. The small squeak that erupted from the door broke another piece of her heart. She stifled a sniffle as she tried to blink back the tears forming on the edge of her waterline but she knew better. Sirius had heard it.

She turned around to face them and they all looked distraught. Sirius looked more up in arms than anyone and on the brink of a melt down himself. Lily was playing with the ends of her red locks nervously while she shifted her weight to bump into a pensive James. 

“Did Remus leave?” She questioned, begging her voice not to crack. 

Lily nodded. 

“Would anyone like some tea?” Petunia asked, her voice doing what she begged it not to. 

That crack in her voice caused Sirius’s mouth to part a bit as he took a small breath. His eyes were watery and angry but they weren’t angry at her. The tears were for her. 

“Actually, James and I are going to go to his folks for the night but Sirius will be here with you. Just in case anything were to happen,” 

Petunia’s shoulders tensed up but she nodded at her sister’s remarks. She never took her eyes from Sirius. 

“We’ll be back in the morning,” James said softly, giving a curt smile before they apparated away. 

The silence was startling. A low whistle hummed from the kitchen and she forgot that she had already been making tea. She rushed to remove it from the stove, tearing her eyes away from the man she loved with her whole heart. She let the tears slip free as she pawed them away with the pads of her thumbs. 

“You were right,” she said softly, choking back a sob. 

She felt his arms wrap around her shoulders and grip her tight as she brought her hands up to cradle his forearms. She settled her back against his quivering but sturdy chest. 

“About?” He questioned. 

“I should have stayed in the alley,” she whispered sadly, letting the sob fall from her lips.

“No, that’s not your fault,” He said, whirling her around to face him. 

“Isn’t it? I chose not to listen to you. I chose to do what I thought was right and here I am,” letting her arms flail about, “worried that I won’t make it through the night because my last name is connected to my sister. I can’t be with you the way I want to be because of my mistake and I’m scared,” she whispered the last word. 

“You don’t need to be scared when you’re with me,” he reassured her, placing his chin on top of her forehead as she cried into his chest. 

He couldn’t believe the situation. He didn’t want to believe it. This wasn’t fair to them. 

“I’m scared of not being with you,” she whispered, looking into his eyes with watery frustration.

He didn’t have an answer. Instead, he kissed her. It was gentle at first with a growing heat that drove them mad. A searing, tortuous heat that caused the clothes to just fall off of them but they stopped. Trembling in their own right and paused by their own panic. The last time. Their last time. 

They never thought this would be the case. They never imagined that there would ever be a last time. Here it was. They knew they had to let go and it pained them. It was a gut wrenching pain that left them breathless. They wanted to do this but didn’t at the same time. They knew that when it ended that it would end. That would be it for them. 

More nervous than her first time with him, she lifted a quivering hand and rest it on his cheek. She stroked it gently and smiled through the tears at him. She knew what she had to do when this ended and he knew what he had to do.

“You’ll always be my girl,” he whispered, giving her a tender kiss on the forehead. 

“I’m going to miss the sound of that,” 

“You may end up being his wife,” he breathed deeply, “but you’ll always be mine.”

With this, his lips were on hers again and they kissed hungrily. They clawed and tore away clothing that created unnecessary barriers between the two and he hoisted her up where her legs easily wrapped around his waist. He carried her into the living room because he couldn’t hold out from his desire any longer. He couldn’t even wait for a few more feet before slamming their bodies against the wall, eliciting groans and moans from the desire as well as pure need for one another. 

The animalistic thrusts and growls were wild and free but there was something there that was eating at them. It slowed them and they were catching their breath the more they chewed on it. The thrusts slowed and their kisses were more gentle and romantic. It was different for them in that moment. They remembered that it was their last. 

Removing her back from the wall and laying her on the carpeted floor made it easier for them. They weren’t animals, they weren’t hot headed, but they were in love. They made love through the sadness and begged for time to slow down. 

Time never listened. 

It ended and they fell asleep there in each other’s arms but it wasn’t a good sleep. It was restless. When they woke up they knew where they were and who they were to each other. 

When they woke up, whether they wanted to acknowledge it or not, they were over.


	12. The Rehearsal Dinner

November 15th, 1978  
The Rehearsal Dinner

The room was filled with people that Petunia didn’t know that were there to celebrate her relationship with Vernon. The only person not thrilled about the arrangement was Petunia herself. She was getting married tomorrow. 

To the wrong person. 

She fiddled with the bow on her hip that tied her dress together. Originally, she would just play with her hair nervously but Vernon stressed the need for her to have it in a bun. She couldn’t believe that James and her sister had talked him into marrying her before the year was over. She wasn’t sure how they did it or what they bribed him with but he came to his knees begging for Petunia to forgive him. 

She had to. She had no choice in the matter. 

She scanned the room for a familiar or friendly faces and she couldn’t see any. Until she landed on a pair of familiar eyes with deep red hair.

Lily.

She had come. This brought an unwavering smile to her lips as she rushed over to greet her sister. 

“Lily,” she breathed, pulling her into a tight hug.

“You look beautiful,” Lily whispered, returning the hug. 

Petunia could feel her body relax into her sister’s heavy embrace and the tears started to brim her eyes for the hundredth time that afternoon. She didn’t want to do this. She couldn’t do this. All of these people were here for a relationship that wasn’t real. They all expected more out of her than what she actually had. It was painful. She stifled a sob and broke the hug with Lily. Lily pulled her into the closest bathroom and peered around to make sure no one was listening and locked the door. Petunia wept. She had been weeping for months. Her eyes were always red rimmed and her irises were vibrant against the tears that covered them. She felt caged. 

Her hair had to be put up the way Vernon liked it and her clothes had to be conservative like he preferred. Even her wedding dress had to cover everything. That ruined any chance of wearing the dress she imagined she would wear when marrying Sirius. Just the thought of him brought a fresh wave of tears. 

“Oh Tuney,” Lily whispered, pushing a stray piece of hair behind Petunia’s ear. 

She inhaled a shaky breath and looked at herself in the mirror. She was completely disheveled. 

“How can I do this?” Petunia asked through her watery gaze. 

Lily didn’t have an answer but she looked just as miserable as her sister. 

“How can I put on that dress tomorrow and marry someone I don’t love, Lily?” She asked again, sobbing. 

“I don’t know, Tuney.”

“Vernon made it clear that he didn’t want you or James around after we get married. He’s going to force you out of my life! I can’t handle this!”

Petunia slid to the floor in angst and brought her knees up to her chest. She wondered quietly when everything got so complicated. If this is what magic did then she didn’t want it. She wished she had never had it. She had spent years wishing to be like her sister and she wished now, more than ever, to take that back. If she could get rid of it then maybe she could be with Sirius instead of sulking on the bathroom floor at her rehearsal dinner. 

“It was the arrangement we made. If James and I aren’t around then you’re much safer,” Lily cooed. 

“I’d rather be in danger,” she whispered.

The bathroom grew quiet except for the random sniffles that echoed through the walls. She could hear the sound of people laughing and chattering at a party that she had no interest in being a part of. She smoothed the skirt of her dress and took a deep breath. 

“I better get back to the party. Try to stay away from the cream puffs. His aunt, Janice, forgot the sugar,” she warned, using the wall to help her stand. 

“Actually, there’s something I have to tell you,” Lily said quickly and nervously.

“What?” Petunia asked, wiping the stray tears from her cheeks. 

“He’s here,” she started. 

Petunia’s heart leapt into her throat and her stomach lurched as if nausea had taken over. She wanted to see him, desperately, but here? Now?

“Where?” Petunia whispered.

“Out by the edge of the woods. He’s on his motorcycle. I can stall Vernon for a little bit if you want to see him,” Lily offered. 

Petunia shook her head and listened as the laughs grew louder and the clinking of the wine goblets echoed through the hall. She wanted to see him. She desperately wanted to see him. She was just worried about what would happen if she did. 

“What would you do?” Petunia whispered to Lily. 

“I’d go see him,” she said with a warm smile. 

-XOX-

Petunia stumbled over the sticks and leaves that had fallen for the Fall. Her small heels were sinking into the ground with every step. She couldn’t see him yet and she was beginning to wonder if she had taken to long. She nearly fell when her heel collided with an above ground root and grabbed hold of a limb that snapped as she started to fall forward. Until she was caught by a pair of strong arms who instinctively pulled her to him. She looked up through her mess of curls that had fallen on the trek and saw him. His face was about as distressed as she felt. 

“There you are,” she whispered, allowing herself to be pulled into the stronghold. 

She nestled her head under his chin as she listened to his rigid breathing. He hadn’t said anything yet but she didn’t care. This was enough for her. His arms never let her go and she carelessly thumbed the zipper on his leather jacket. 

“You got a motorcycle?” Petunia asked, eyeing the sleek black machinery behind his shoulder. 

“Yeah. I’ve always wanted one,” he muttered into her hair as he took a deep breath. 

“I’ve never ridden on one,” Petunia said thoughtfully, pulling away from the hug gently so she could get a better look. 

“It’s not just an ordinary motorcycle,” he told her, watching her trace her fingers over the base. 

“It never would be with you. What does it do?” She asked.

“It flies,” he murmured. 

“I’m not surprised,” she laughed. 

Her first real laugh since June. She didn’t know how she made it to November like she had. Her smiles felt foreign to her now that they had been replaced by scowls and tears. Her heart was broken and it would remain that way. She envisioned getting on the back of his motorcycle and running away with him but that would be too dangerous. Maybe that’s what she preferred. A little danger. 

“Want a ride?” He asked cautiously. 

“Sirius…” she said softly. 

“It’ll be quick,” he reasoned. 

“I really don’t think it’s a good idea,” she sighed heavily, her feelings beginning to spiral. 

“Which part?” 

“The entire arrangement. This whole thing is just so…” she trailed off, not wanting to fight. 

She was too happy to see him to be able to fight with him. That’s not the memory she wanted. She rather enjoyed the memory of their last night replaying over and over again in her head. 

“I know,” he said softly.

There was a sad edge to his voice that broke her heart in other ways. 

“I don’t want to argue,” Petunia confessed while Sirius got closer to her.

She regretted having wandered away from him. She wanted to be in his arms more than anything in that moment with his warm and familiar scent. She wanted to drown in it. 

“That’s not why I’m here,” he interrupted.

“Then why?” She asked, irritated. 

She wasn’t meaning to sound irritated. She was more irritated at the party and everything going on rather than at him. 

“Marry me,”

It wasn’t a plea, an order, or a command. It was simple. It was sweet. It was raw. It made Petunia’s heart ache. The way he propped up against his motorcycle with the wind in his hair and his leather jacket hugging his brooding frame was making it hard for Petunia to think rationally. She wanted to. Oh boy, did she want to. There was a slight warning in her mind that plagued her. The warning that it wasn’t a good idea. That it completely goes against everything they’ve worked for to provide safety for everyone involved. She was warned that she was signing her own death warrant if she were to marry him. 

“I can’t,” she whispered sadly. 

“I know,” he shook his head as if mentally hitting himself for the thought. 

“Sirius,” she started. 

“No, I know. It was stupid. I just...I really want it to be you and I, Petunia. I want it more than anything in world and to think I can’t have you because some dark wizard is drunk off of power. This should be us,” he said, motioning back towards the cottage where all her future relatives were waiting for her. 

“You’re right, it should. However, it’s not. It can’t be,” she said softly and as warmly as she could. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. 

He was thinking. He was hurt. He was broken. Just like her. I’m a swift movement he straddled his new machine and revved up the engine. It created a deep purr through the trees and a dagger in Petunia’s heart. She hated thinking that their life was compiled of Elton John and heartbreaking goodbyes. 

“Would you come tomorrow?” Petunia asked, knowing the answer. 

He revved the engine again as he thought and looked at her once more. Those eyes bore into her soul. Something she never thought she’d experience. 

“Maybe,” he shouted over the engine.

With that, he was gone. He left behind a trail of dust and tears as the motorcycle rose over the sea of trees. Petunia just stared up into the sky and noticed how cloudy it was starting to get. The sun was setting and she needed to get back to the party. 

-XOX-

The party was finally over. Vernon walked Petunia up to her flat door and watched as she sauntered into the living room. She fell backwards on her couch in exhaustion and peeled off her heels before letting her blonde hair fall down in ringlets. She sighed heavily and removed the cardigan that covered her pink dress. 

“I know you don’t like my hair down but it hurts to leave it up,” she said sadly, massaging the right side of her scalp. 

“I never said I didn’t like it,” Vernon answered quickly. 

“Yes you did. We were at Marco’s and you told me you preferred it when my hair was in a bun,” Petunia corrected.

“Right. I said I preferred it but it didn’t matter how you wore your hair. You looked good no matter what,” he said thoughtfully. 

This caused Petunia to look up at him with eyes widened. He had never said anything like that before. Especially not to her. She pushed her own hair behind her ears nervously and cleared her throat.

“Thanks, I guess,” she said, moving the magazines around on her coffee table to keep her hands busy. 

“We need to talk,” he said quietly as he came over to sit next to her on the couch. 

He moved aside a stray moving box with his foot and took Petunia’s hand in his own. She didn’t pull away but it wasn’t comfortable. She wished it was Sirius holding her hand. Then it would feel right. It wouldn’t feel like this. It wouldn’t feel wrong. However, Vernon was going to be her husband at two in the afternoon tomorrow. Her heart sank at the realization but she masked it well. 

“I know what you must think of me,” he started. 

A thousand sarcastic quips rose up in her head but she couldn’t express them. She let them die quietly in the back of her mind while she sat there. 

“I don’t think you do,” she said quietly. 

He ignored her. 

“I was insanely jealous the day I saw you on your balcony. I said a lot of things, hurtful things, but I never meant any of them. I was so angry that I wasn’t watching where my hands were swinging. I just-“ he stopped himself.

He took a deep breath before continuing. 

“I just liked you so much that I didn’t think. I’m willing to look past your magical ability and flaws. I like you in spite of them. I could grow to love you. I hope you could grow to love me too,” he ended. 

She blinked. She knew this marriage was being forced on both ends. His parents were pressuring him to be married and she had no choice but to change her last name. 

“This situation is so messed up,” she whispered, shaking her head to fight the stinging of her tears. 

“I know,” he agreed, patting her hand gently. 

“We can do this, you know,” she offered.

She wanted it to be Sirius. She desperately wanted it to be him. However, the truth was simple. It wasn’t going to happen. Not in the lifetime. Not ever. 

“I’m not saying you’ll love me as much as you love him,” Vernon started, noticing the change in her demeanor.

“I don’t think I could with any man,” she whispered.

“But we’ll be good companions. We can be really good friends. I promise you,” he said, tightening his hold on hand. 

It was almost as if he was talking himself into the situation. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said quickly. 

Slowly, almost unbearably slowly, he placed a tentative kiss on her forehead. It was sweet. It held no other meaning than a kind agreement. A promise to be friends. Married friends. Friends with messed up situations. The only way out of their problems was to be married. 

So they would.


	13. The Imprinted Vow

November 16th, 1995  
The Dursley Anniversary

This time of year was always a bit harder for Petunia to swallow. It was the same routine that she and Vernon had since their first anniversary. People always expected them to celebrate but Petunia was usually in mourning. She mourned for the things that could have been that weren’t and for the things that should have been but never had the chance. She thumbed through the fabrics and sighed heavily to herself. 

It was their twelfth wedding anniversary. It was the sorrowful reminder of what she had to do in order to keep herself and those around her safe. It was a reminder of why she couldn’t never accept the happiness that she was due. She was thrust into a position that she never expected and definitely didn’t want. However, she had to. She had to think of the things she wouldn’t have if she hadn’t gone through it. If she had accepted Sirius’s offer she wouldn’t have this house on Privet Drive. It wasn’t something she was thankful for but she wouldn’t have it. She wouldn’t have her son, Dudley. She loved him even if she didn’t romantically love his father. She loved her nephew even if she couldn’t show it. She hated that she couldn’t and never could but she did love him. 

“Petunia, are you almost ready? The reservations were for seven,” Vernon came in with a small smile on his face.

He was always excited about eating at Andrew’s Italian BIstro in downtown London. It gave him the opportunity to break up the monotony so that he felt more sane when he had to return to it. 

“I can’t quite figure out which dress to wear,” she said thoughtfully.

It was true. She didn’t want to wear something revealing but she didn’t want to look like she belonged in a convent. Half of her dresses reminded her of that. 

“What about this blue one?” Vernon asked, looking at a couple of the dresses she had laid out on the bed. 

She had thought about those dresses and they were still in the running. However, none of them screamed at the way she felt; distressed. 

“No, it’s a little bright,” she said, picking it up and putting them in the closet. 

They had gone through three dresses before they came across one that she hadn’t seen in quite some time. It was a beautiful deep crimson dress that hugged every curve she believed she had or that she used to have. It was sleeveless but the neck dipped lower than she originally wanted. She remembered this dress. She remembered that she never got to wear it. She wanted to wear it on her first real date with Sirius but that was an event that never presented itself. Why shouldn’t she wear it now? She could still fit in it. She won’t look quite as beautiful in it as she would have back then but she was married now. It didn’t matter. 

“I’ve never seen you in this number,” Vernon commented, eyeing the dress with a desire that made Petunia a little flushed. 

Even if it wasn’t who she wanted the attention from she was happy to receive it. It did make her feel like a woman again and she smiled at the dress. Lily would have told her to wear it. 

“I think I might wear it then,” Petunia flirted, ignoring the guilt that edged her stomach. 

“I’ll give you some privacy. Happy Anniversary, sweetheart,” Vernon said, giving her a quick but tender peck on the cheek. 

She smiled despite the sorrow. It was the anniversary of something. It was the anniversary of their long friendship and unrequited love. He loved her and she loved someone else. She was fond of Vernon now but back then she hadn’t been. 

-XOX-  
November 16th, 1978  
Their Wedding Day

She couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day. There was no threat of rain in the sky. The white chairs were in straight lines and garnished with pink roses and baby’s breath. The burgundy carpet that led her to the altar was being vacuumed as she sat on the soft chair in front of the elongated mirror. She didn’t have bridesmaids to get ready with and Lily wouldn’t be there for another hour. That’s when the guests would start arriving. She glanced around the tent and smiled as the cool breeze fought through her curls. She hadn’t wanted anyone in the tent with her. She wanted to get ready alone. 

She could do this alone. She could twist her hair into a delicate bun alone as she lined it with baby’s breath. She could apply her subtle makeup alone and she could get her heeled shoes on her feet alone. She could place the garter alone and she could drink half a bottle of red wine alone before putting on her dress. The dress. That was going to be a little difficult to do alone. 

She stepped into the satin skirt and attempted to get the laced sleeves over her arms. The holes in the lace were so large that she kept sticking her fingers through it accidently and having to start all over again. She admired the lace that lay over her collar bone in an elegant way and smiled at the full skirt but secretly wishing it wasn’t so poofy. She silently cursed to herself when she realized that she couldn’t get the dress to zip up the back by herself.   
“So much for being able to do everything alone,” she whispered. 

“Do you need help with that?” a husky voice echoed from the entrance of the tent. 

Her back straightened and pleasant chills ran up and down her arms, forcing her forearms to cling to the lace she so desperately tried to put on a few minutes ago. She looked behind her through the mirror and she saw him. 

“Sirius,” she whispered.

It was in relief and panic that she whispered his name. She was relieved to see him, happy even, but panicked incase someone saw him come into the tent. She didn’t want him to get in trouble. She was too happy that he was there for her to let someone ruin it. 

He didn’t ask her again. Instead, he walked over to her slowly and raked his eyes across her form. It was something she welcomed. She wished she could just toss the dress and leave with him. Better yet, she wished he could just take her here on the grass. Forget the wedding, forget Vernon, and forget all of the danger in the world. She would be with him and that would be enough but she couldn’t. She couldn’t even think about it. The very thought made her desire fly through the roof and she knew that it would create more bad than good. 

He reached her after what felt like hours and started to drag the dreaded zipper of her dress upward in an even slower motion. Her head was spinning. She could feel the tears brimming but she had to push past them. She had to do this. Didn’t she? 

“You look beautiful,” he whispered, placing a tentative kiss on her bare shoulder. 

“Thank you,” she choked out. 

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Whatever you do, Petunia, don’t cry. 

“This should have been us,” he whispered. 

She agreed wholeheartedly. It should have been them. This whole event should be theirs and she agreed with him last night when he said it. This dress should be for him. Those pink roses from her garden that garnished the chairs should have been for him. The stupid garter that she wanted him to rip off should have been for him. The whole thing, the whole stupid thing, should have been for them. 

“I know,” she whispered, turning to meet his eyes. 

Those smoldering, dark, dreamy eyes that pierced her soul every time she stared into their depths. They took her senses and made her feel whole. More than anything she wanted to feel whole again. She was broken. She was so broken that the pieces could never be put back together. One of the main pieces was staring at her and he was about to walk out of her life forever. That sent a dagger straight through her heart. 

“Merlin, Petunia,” he growled, turning away from her in irritation. 

She silently wondered if he could read her thoughts. 

“This whole situation-” she started.

“It’s fucked up,” he growled, his back to her as she tried to take deep breaths. 

“It’s my fault,” she argued. 

“No, it’s not. Stop saying that it is,” Sirius warned, turning back towards her and grabbing her chin with his right hand. 

He kissed her. She didn’t stop him. She leaned into it. The surge of desire enveloped them both and she had the need to remove the damn dress that was weighing her down. They pulled away from each other, hot and panting. 

“This isn’t fair,” she cried, resting her forehead on his. 

“You remember what I told you in June?” he asked quietly, closing his eyes and inhaling her scent. 

She nodded. A fresh batch of tears brimmed her waterline and she fought them with everything she had. 

“You’re my girl,” he stated. 

“I know,” 

“You’re always going to be my girl,” he confirmed. 

She smiled through the salty tears and kissed him lightly. It was a goodbye kiss. It was tender and sweet. Something that would stay with him for years to come. Something to remind him of what they have and will always have. 

The music had started and she had been barely aware of the constant chatter that surrounded the tent as the wedding was about to begin. The light music let her know that the first set of introductions were being made and that her time was almost there. Her eyes widened in horror as she rushed to finish getting ready. Sirius placed the veil at the back of her head and gave her another swift kiss. She slipped a cassette tape in his jacket pocket before whispering important things in his ear. 

“I love you. I always will love you. I’m doing this because I love you. This tape is every song that we’ve ever listened to together. Ask Lily how to operate it. I know she has a player. I got it for her for Christmas three years ago. You mean everything to me,” she finished, giving him another sweet goodbye kiss before running out of the tent. 

Sirius, for the first time since it happened, cried. 

-XOX-  
June of 1996  
The Dursley’s Home

Pain.

That was all she felt. If she could even call it a feeling. The letter clung to her side as she marched out into the garden, ignoring the dying the flowers and slamming the doors to the cellar open. She stared around at the walls and the pile of letters that littered her desk. Everything was hazy and she felt dizzy. She wanted to lift her hand to her heart to see if it was beating but she couldn’t move it. She couldn’t feel any part of her limbs. 

Her heart was heavy as she sunk down to her knees. She landed on them quite hard and ignored the stinging pain of injury and dirt. They were nothing compared to this hurt. 

Again, she peered around the cellar. She took in every news article and the pain moved from her heart to her stomach, causing it to lurch and for her to fall forward as the palms of her hands caught her. 

No, no, no.

She whispered to herself. It couldn’t be true. She couldn’t allow it to be true. There had to be something she could do. Everything on those walls reminded her of him. The thought of there being another reminder of his made her close her eyes. She tried to stand and failed miserably. She couldn’t. She was a dirty mess of wobbly limbs and her heart was going to come out of her chest. 

Sirius Black was dead. 

The thought made her stomach royle and she lurched forward again, forgetting Remus’s letter and the Daily Prophet story on the floor.

She couldn’t recover from this. She didn’t know how. 

The only man she had ever loved with her whole heart was dead and her garden had died with him. She crawled towards the entrance, begging for air from the suffocation in her cellar, and practically falling out of the entrance. She tried to breathe but she felt like the world was sitting on her lungs and she choked out sobs. She didn’t care who heard her. 

She peered around through the salty tears and watched as her plants died with the memory of him. Her world had fallen. 

She was falling with it.


End file.
